There will always be reminders 1/16/13

I have to give myself a little credit here. I think I have been doing really good despite the circumstances we were given. I have managed to make it to the gym 3 days this week (including the weekends whoo hoo) and I have weaned myself off of the sleep aides. Mike and I can kiss their urn and teddy bears without tearing up before we get into bed. I can refer to their room as "the boys room" without having to give mike the "sad lip."I am able to hangout with my friends and talk about other things and be "normal." However, it never fails that I have reminders once in a while that just knock me back down. Today I got up, had the energy to go to the gym and when i got home I checked my email to only be reminded from Babycenter.com that I would have been 24 weeks today (I swear I unsubscribed from them, damnt!). I guess there are going to be the highs and the lows.

All I can think of is that we would have reached another milestone this week. At 24 weeks my babies could have been born and able to breath with help of the NICU. I do know that 24 weeks is not a good place to be for little babies. This could have been fatal as well or a lifetime of severe disabilities. I guess I see it as my babies would have had a fighting chance. This is when I say to myself, "things happen for a reason" and I move on.

I have prepared myself for the months to come. I am going to have days that were for the babies. Jan 26th was going to be our boys shower. Well, Mike and I have decided to take "The 5 languages of Love" course on base that day. Take that day to strengthen our marriage and ourselves even more. I have friends that will be getting ready for the arrival of their own babies. I have to learn that it is ok to be sad that they get their babies, but be happy for them. I never want people to think I am not happy for them. I think it would be normal to have these feelings.

We are going away for our 3 year anniversary in February. Mike and I can reconnect all over again. This is something to look forward to.

There will always be reminders and days where I am on top of the world and days where I can't get out of bed. As long as I recognize what is healthy and what is not I will be ok. :)