VACATION IS OVER :(

Mike and I just got home from our very busy two week vacation. It was very much needed and definitely kept my mind busy. A lot of people had asked me why I wanted to do a trip to Disney after such a loss. I knew Disney was going to be very hard because of all the families that travel there. I honestly couldn't even tell you how many babies, toddlers, twins, and pregnant women I saw. I kind of looked at this as a challenge. After the boys passed I couldn't even look on facebook at pictures of my pregnant friends or friends with small children because my heart just hurt so much. They say to get over a fear you have to face it head on and I did. I would be lying to you if I said I didn't have that feeling where your heart drops into your stomach and you get little butterflies in your belly from seeing things that hurt your heart. I did. But, it got easier when you are surrounded by it. Instead of wanting to cry I just kept saying that one day we will be bringing our children here as a family and it will be wonderful.

In order to survive this trip I had to psyche myself out a bit. I had to look at it as we could just get up and go and ride as many rides as we could and spend time together as husband and wife and a lot of people couldn't do that because they had children.  When I saw a small child having a temper tantrum and the parent looking like they would rather trade their child in for a Pluto doll then have to deal with a day of kicking and screaming I thought to myself, "well, at least we don't have to deal with that yet." Mike and I at the end of the days at Disney and Universal were EXHAUSTED! Mike asked me how parents even do this? Is there a crack pill that parents take to keep up with their kids and go all day, lol? So, as two adults at Disney and Universal we did the necessities: We rolled out of bed, ate quick bfast's, rode a ton of roller coasters, drank every beer in Epcot, danced the night away at city-walk, saw a LifeHouse Concert, floated the lazy river drunk at Typhoon Lagoon and rode Tower of Terror four times in a row! I guess we wouldn't have been able to do that with kids and I am happy we got to experience Disney together as a couple.

 However, I really just loved watching the faces of little kids when they were in Disney. Seeing Mickey for the first time and not knowing that characters are not real is priceless.We were so happy to have run into Mikes Aunt Geri and her family. It was a nice to see family and experience Disney through his little cousins eyes. Mike even said he teared up to see the kids so happy. Nothing like seeing a child so carefree and in such bliss :)

After a week at Disney we boarded our ship to the Bahamas! This was definitely needed. Not many families and drinks with umbrellas in them! The first day we made it to the top of the ship and relaxed in the hot tub for a few hours making some new friends. However, the friends we were making were maybe 23 years old and ready to party! Not that we aren't ready to party, but last time I remember my hangover's lasted 3 days and our cruise was only 4 days so I think it was time to be a little choosey when making new friends :).  Dinner the first night was good. The only thing about cruises is you get placed at a table with people you don't know and forced to make new friends. Well, I am a social person, but this requires asking and answering questions based on your life and I was nervous that my lying skills were going to fail and I was going to mess up any story we had about our personal life and why we were taking this trip. Safest answer for us was, "no, we have no children and not sure when we want to have kids." However, if you know me at all I am a terrible liar and you can read every emotion on my face at all times lol.

So,  we were placed at a table for four. Not sure this was a good thing or a bad thing. Six would have been better because if we didn't want to be talkative the other two couples could have talked it up or vice versa. At a table of four you are all required to make conversation in order for the table to not be awkward. sigh. Luckily it was a young couple exactly our ages and they were married the day before. We had no problem talking it up the first night! They didn't ask any questions about family and I have learned my lesson after struggling through fertility that I NEVER ask anyone about kids. So, we talked about their jobs, where they live (originally from OH, but recently moved to Dallas) and they also had 2 dogs. success if I should say so myself.

The following night we sit down with them and I notice the girl was not drinking. She also mentioned that she can only have a certain amount of seafood that week. Stupid me asked, "why can't you have fish?" She replies, "I just found out I am pregnant like right before the wedding." I am sure the blood drained out of my face with surprise, but believe it or not I can put on a good show when I need to so I did, for her sake. This was fantastic news for her and I was going to show here how excited we were for her as well. Which I was! I was more surprised at the odds that I was sat at a table with a girl who was newly pregnant. This was my LUCK, for a quick moment I was almost wishing we were put at a table of 80 year olds so our conversation could have been what ailments we are all suffering from :). She then begins to tell us at how surprised they were because the husband was told a year before that he had no sperm and it would be a miracle if they ever got pregnant without help. I felt a connection to them after she told me that. They to, whether they have been trying or a surprise had fertility issues. I also told her we do as well and it is almost 3 years of trying. It's amazing how many people go through some sort of issue when it comes to fertility.

Mike and I really enjoyed our time together and having two weeks to focus on ourselves and not dealing with our reality. We returned home and on Monday we meet with our fertility doctor. This will be our consultation on how to begin the process all over again. The last couple of years my body has been month after month a science experiment and once again my body will not be my own. Do we try on our own for a few months? Do we jump back into injections? These are just some of the decisions we will be making. I am curious to see what the doctor has to say. This doctor is just 1/3rd of our team for having a baby. Keeping my fingers crossed that we will be achieving our goal soon :)

Thanks for reading <3

Shannon