Accept it and move on. 1/12/13

Mike and I went to my 3 week PP visit yesterday. My fear was I was going to walk into that waiting room where I would go every couple of weeks to see my beans and be sitting next to a bunch of happy pregnant women. Luckily, we walked in and were the only ones. Even though we were the only ones I still had to hold back some tears. Pregnancy magazines in front of me and the cork board where all new moms sent the doctor their little bundle of joy announcements. I used to look at that cork board and imagine our little guys up there with some cute twins pose on the announcement.

The nurse called us back and I could see the pity in her eyes. She saw me only five weeks prior and our visit was very different. I was put into the "not pregnant" room. I say that because it had no ultrasound machine. The doctor came in and he gave me a quick exam and told us we were good to go. I was able to resume all normal activity. That was definitely good to hear. I was praying that the black cloud that was hovering over us wasn't going to drop any unexpected storms our way. After the exam we asked if we could go back to his office and discuss what happened all over again.

Mike decided to do all the talking because I have a tendency to be super nice about things. Even when I am super mad I am not able to be stern. Our questions ranged from what happened to where do we go from here. I will sum it up this way.

Our situation was not good from the start. We went into the hospital in full labor and 1cm dilated and delivered in three hours from that time. He told us he did order the magnesium shot and ordered blood work to be done. The blood work he ordered was the reason for not getting the shot. In order to give the magnesium they need to rule out any infections. If he were to give us a shot before finding out the results of the blood work and I were to have had an infection it could have been very bad. We never received the blood work back until after the babies were born. Results showed no infection anyway. Also, he did tell us that all OB's are taught not to give anything prior to 24 weeks. Do some doctor's break that rule? Sure. He said he is 99.9 % sure that even if he gave us that shot right when we walked in the door it would not have worked. My labor was just too strong and nothing was going to stop it.

We have accepted that he did everything he could. He even discussed with us that he will not be upset if we didn't want to use him anymore; but, he did reassure us that going forward we will be very closely monitored and have every test known to man that will tell them anything that could lead to another loss. We will be given P17 shots starting at 16 weeks and if their is any indication of a shortening cervix a cerclage will be discussed. At this point, I did not have an incompetent cervix just preterm labor. I made sure to ask if this is what will continue to happen and he said that he has seen women with the same thing happen go on to have full term babies with close monitoring and those shots. That was nice to hear.

He did tell me that the goal for next time is one baby. We are not sure if twins were the reason for preterm labor. A lot of women go on to have full term twin pregnancies but a lot do not. Multiples are not always a good thing. Some women just can't take the extra baby and pressure on their cervix. My concern of course is we have not been successful getting pregnant on our own and multiples is the risk you take when you take fertility drugs. However, we know that women are super fertile after they give birth. I am hoping that "normal" women are super fertile which could possibly mean I am just regular fertile...haha. We are going to try on our own for a few months and he told us that was the best thing to do right after birth. We may surprise ourselves and get pregnant the "old fashioned" way :)

Mike and I decided that with a loss like this we deserve to go on vacation. We will be going to Disney World and then hop a 4 day cruise to the Bahamas. The doctor said this would be a good time to possibly bring home a souvenir from our trip ;). Ya, one can only wish.