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When you can't make the choice...

Hi everyone!

It has been a very long time since I have blogged and I have missed it terribly. I have been pondering lately on what I should write about and it finally hit me the other day.  I am at the point with the boys where if I didn't struggle with fertility treatments we would probably be getting ready to have another child.
As I was standing in the kitchen the other night I watched the boys wrestle and I could not believe how big they are getting. It hit me that we are no longer in the baby stage. We are talking, getting ready to potty train, drinking from big boy cups, carrying our plates to the table, learning to walk without the stroller and so forth.  We are growing up! I always wonder what it would be like to have a little girl or what my boys would be like as big brothers.

Living in a new area people are not aware of our past fertility struggles and I often get asked if we will be trying for more.  I usually don't bring up our past and continue with, "possibly, God willing," or something along those lines. When in reality Mike and I have never prevented after we got married. We have never conceived on our own without intense treatments. I can't guarantee we won't get multiples (my body will not be able to handle multiples again) and IVF is just way too expensive. So, with that being said, unless God has different plans for us it will be just the four of us.

Don't get me wrong, I am very happy with my little family. I just wanted to be the one to make that choice.  In a perfect world, the boys would be turning 3 and I would have thought that would have been a perfect age to start trying for another.  Instead, I will continue to pray about it and who knows maybe something in my body will click and it happens and if you know my story from the last 5 years, if that were to happen we better find an amazing Doctor who understands my diagnosis with Thrombophilia.

Thank you for reading!!



  1. Welcome back! So happy to hear from you again. "I just wanted to be the one to make that choice" -- I can so relate to this. It's a loss, no matter which way you slice it. I'm glad things are good with your family of four, and I'm thinking of you as you wrestle with having that choice taken from you. Thanks a lot, infertility! It must be both freeing and tough to have the people in your new place not know all of your history, but then you get to decide how you share or don't share it, which is kind of nice.


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