It's been two years since Chase and Cayden.

Wow, my last blog was in March! I apologize for not writing more often. I have been a little busy ;). Mason and Maddox are now 1 years old and does time fly. I still can't believe what we have today. I was reading my blog and it seems like another lifetime ago we went through fertility treatments, Chase and Cayden and the rough pregnancy we had with Mason and Maddox. The last few days I have been on high emotion. This is a hard time for us. As exciting as it is with the boys, I still always have my other little boys in mind.

To think two years ago on the 22nd I was almost six months along with Chase and Cayden. Finally! we had babies and two coming into this world. The shots in the stomach, constant monitoring and endless pregnancy tests later we had babies! Never in a million years would I have thought something bad would happen. In my mind we went through the rough patch. Going through the heartache of infertility was painful enough and how would God put us through anymore. We were home free. Then, it happened. I woke up to the most God awful back pain I could have ever imagined. Little did I know in less than 5 hours time my little boys would be born and pass away in the same hour.  Our family of four existed for 20 min. They were perfect. Ten fingers and toes. They were babies...very small babies. I was so angry! To get halfway and then it was taken away. How could there be a God who was that mean?

I remember going to a few follow up visits with our fertility specialist, our OB and our High Risk doctor. All saying the same thing. You are the 1%. We don't know why these things happen. Even going as far as telling me my body was not made to carry two babies and I could prob never carry two babies. I was told to take a year or so off. Collect my thoughts and come back when I was mentally ready. I never once thought of taking time off. I didn't even want to wait another month to try again. I new in my heart I was going to have babies. I didn't think I would ever have twins, but I was going to have a child. My fertility doctor even told me if we do the treatments again and get twins or more that we should reduce. So, not only am I risking it all over again, but now you want me to have to choose a baby to terminate. But, I knew in my heart, we would be fine and God pushed us in the direction of a very special doctor who told us that twins would not be a problem if we were to conceive again and he would monitor us very closely. He had the solution to our problem.

Fast forward a month of treatments and a very low dose of treatments it was. Our fertility doctor tried his best to not bombard my body with multiple eggs. We were going to get one good one. That was the goal. However, I must have been chosen for twins, because twins is what we got...again, and twin boys at that.

I guess the whole point to my rambling is to never give up. I was told by many to take time off...go on vacation...collect yourself....give it a year. I am so glad I didn't because these two little boys Mason and Maddox would not be here. I may not have had the opportunity to see my special doctor and we may have even suffer another horrible loss if we were not here in NYC. I have four precious little boys. Two that would have been two years old on Monday and two that just turned 1 last Thursday. I do believe Chase and Cayden's souls are in Mason and Maddox. I believe that because I don't hurt as much as I thought I would. Of course I miss them and always think of them, but I am at peace and so blessed to have all four boys in my heart.

Thank you Chase and Cayden for making me the person I am today. Thank you for giving me Mason and Maddox. I love you all so much! Godspeed my little men.

Mommy <3

We are surviving :)

Hey everyone! 

I am finally sitting down to blog, of course with one baby on my chest...lol. 

Things have been going really well.  Mason has been home a little over a month and Maddox has been home for 2 weeks! I can't even believe how fast it is going. In the beginning getting them to sleep at night was a doozy, but as of the last few nights they are doing pretty good. We are starting to get a good routine down. At night we do the three "B's". Bath, bottle, bed!  Luckily, the boys love being in the bath, but can definitely tell when they are being taken out. They hate leaving the tub and Maddox will let you know he is being tortured by this death screams, lol. The boy has some set of lungs on him. After our bath we get changed into our jammies and we drink our bottle and usually Mason is passed out before he even finishes and he is down for good. Maddox is my little night owl and takes a bit more time to go down. He is usually talking and laughing and mommy and daddy can't help but soak in the giggles before bed.  So, as of the last few nights, the babies are in bed between 9-10pm and will sleep til about 2am.  This is not too bad as long as we get a few solid hours of sleep in. It is amazing how good you feel after 3 solid hours of uninterrupted sleep, lol.  Then the bottle, burp, change and mommy pumping begins. We are all usually back to sleep by 2:50am and we sleep til about 6-6:30am.  I can deal with this!  

The babies at this age are nice because they pretty much sleep all day and wake when they are hungry or need a changing. I am able to get all my chores done and keep up with my shows. However, Mike returns back to work on Monday and hopefully wont mind waking at 2am to do a quick feeding with me ;)

Pumping is still going strong and with both boys being home we have been able to work on breast feeding as well. So, depending on our schedule and such I will breast feed throughout the day followed by pumping or some days we just do bottles and I pump..it just really depends on how things are flowing,but it is nice to know that if a baby is fussy I can just put him to the boob and he is satisfied or I can warm some bottles up and we can both feed. Works out pretty good!  

This week has been bombarded with appointments and I am happy to say they are gaining weight nicely and are about 8 pounds 6 oz.!  

Sorry if my blog was a little scattered, but I am rushing to get all the facts and info in before Mason wakes up on my chest...lol. 

Thank you all for following!

Shannon

He comes home tomorrow!!!

Ok, I finally have a moment to update my blog :)

So, Mason has been home for 3 weeks and I have to say he fits in pretty good around here. The puggles at first were terrified of him, but now everytime we do tummy time they run over for kisses and cuddles with Mason.  Well, Maki wants to love him so much it kind of freaks me out. She crawls over to him and tries to roll on top of him and kiss him. Hey...love is love, right? Chloe goes right over to him and sniffs him and gives him one kiss to the head and she is gone. she is very gentle with him which is funny, because if you know chloe she kisses with a running start..lol. 

Mason is pretty easy going. He likes to sleep a lot and as long as I feed him every 3-4 hours he is pretty content. We are working on our night time routine, bc he tends to like to stay up and talk which is nice and all, but mommy is tired!  Last night was a good routine. We took a bath and he LOVES his bath time. He never cries and just enjoys the warm water. After a bath we get a baby massage with lotion, gets dressed and once we start to see eyes rolling we go to bed. He slept from 10pm-2am  woke  up  to eat, i pumped and he was back to sleep from 2:45am-5:30am. Mike gets the 5:00-5:30am shift and after his 5:30 am feeding he goes back to bed until usually 7:30 or so.  So, if we can just get Maddox on the same schedule once he is home I would say it's a good start.  

Pumping is going really good. I was so nervous I wasn't going to produce enough but so far the boys are getting strictly breast milk. We go back and forth from breast feeding to bottle feeding, but mostly bottle feeding. It is just easier in the sense that I know how much they are getting and not feeding them every hour bc I am guessing how much they get from the breast. Also, Mason is picky and sometimes he will breast feed and the rest of the time he just wants the bottle and that is it! He will let you know really quick which it is :)  At this point I am pumping 50-60oz a day and they eat between 3-4 oz each every 3-4 hours so I am doing good or just pumping enough :)

I am so happy to  have Maddox home tomorrow. It just doesn't feel right without him and i can't wait to get him to start doing tummy time, chillin in his swing, bouncy seat and just some 24/7 time with mom and dad.  I know he is getting the care he needs in the NICU, but at this point he really needs the stimulation and bonding time with us so we are ready for him to come home. However, I am nervous for two babies. The past 3 weeks we have just had Mason and it has been pretty easy going for the most part. I am sure two will be a bit chaotic at first, but we will be all together! I can't wait to see them side by side, in the same crib, and just hanging out together. 

Here are a few pics :)

Mason has been home for two weeks and still waiting on Maddy boy :(

So, a lot has happened since my last post.  Maddox is still in the hospital and battled a blood infection which turned out to be Ecoli :(.  He had to have a spinal tap to rule out a few things, but he is doing much better. It has been very hard having Maddox in the hospital and Mason home. I feel like I am neglecting Maddox by not being able to give him 24/7 care like I am Mason. Every day one of us goes up there for a few hours and it just breaks my heart. His poor little body has been through so much. Constant IV's, spinal tap, and blood work done every few days :(.  His poor little eyes are so swollen from being laid in the bassinet all day. That is the hardest part for me. I just want to pick him up and carry him all day just so he doesnt have to lay down anymore. He is also getting so big! Mason is a good size, but i feel like Maddy is just so big! I am sure the fluids play a part in that too and him looking swollen. He is a whopping 6 pounds 10 oz. Also, he is a little bit temperamental. When he wants to eat he lets you know. I don't think I have heard a child scream like that in a very long time. I hope that when he gets home and is out of the nicu environment and more comfortable he wont find the need to scream bloody murder when he wants to eat...lol.  I find it is getting very hard for me to see him there. I want more than anything to hold him and see him, but I just cry when i am there and i hold him. Seeing your child with wires and puffy from positioning is just very hard. He is scheduled to come home on February 23rd and I just wish it would get here already. We are ready to have our family complete and home settled.  

Mason is doing good! He is a very good, calm baby. As long as you feed him, change him and give him his binky he is a very content little man.  He loves bath time and likes watching the puggles :) We are sleeping about 3-4 hour stretches at night which is nice, but i still happen to get up and put my hand on his stomach to make sure he is still breathing...lol. I am sure I will be doing that for a long time. 

I now know how much sleep has meant to me. I am exhausted and with pumping it makes it a little harder. I would be able to sleep in longer stretches when Mike is home, but pumping every 3 hours puts a little damper on the whole sleep thing. My body seems to know what is going on bc it is still producing and there are times in the day I get about 8oz in one 20-30 min pump. Not sure how i am going to do with both boys drinking a little over 3 oz every 3.5-4 hours eeek!!!  I did make some really yummy lactation cookies so maybe that has helped. 

well, I have to go since a certain little man is looking like it is time to eat. 

Talk to you soon!

Shannon

Me and Maddox

Mason

Maki begging for attention...lol

Diary of a pumping lady! (do not read if you are offended by boobs :)

Hi everyone, 

Since my blog has covered everything from infertility, loss, joy, pregnancy and complications why not throw in their some more TMI stuff such as boobs and pumping/breastfeeding.  Since the boys are in the NICU for 5 weeks so far I have exclusively pumped for their every meal and we have worked on breast feeding a bit. Luckily, both boys have a good sense of what a breast is for and I think we might have a good chance for breastfeeding once we are home and able to really work on it "comfortably."  

At this point the boys are each eating 50 CC's of milk every three hours and they eat 8 times a day so if we do that math they are eating 27 oz a day.  Luckily, I am pumping roughly about 40oz so i am able to keep up for now :) However, pumping is no joke! Every 2-3 hours around the clock I hook myself up for about 20-30 min so I can maintain and up my supply for the boys. Most days I am a zombie and waking up at 12:30am, 3:00am and 6:00am can be very hard but, I really enjoy knowing the boys are getting strickly breast milk while in the NICU. I am setting little goals for pumping. I want to make it to three months with pumping and if we can transition to both pumping/breastfeeding that would be great. I would love to set my goal for breast feeding to six months and then if it works out well we can extend that goal.

However, the things nobody tells you when pumping...sizing of the parts, itchy/burning nipples, plugged ducts, mastitis etc.  So far in five weeks I have had one plugged duct and one milk blister. I am pretty sure after five weeks I am learning that my right flange (breast shield)may be too big causing my nippy to turn every shade of purple and blue I have ever seen! I am not going to lie it is awful.  When I had the plugged duct I spent four hours pumping, heat, massaging, showering so this DAMN thing would let the milk pass. With the milk blister (bleb) I spent almost the  same amount  of time until I read if you take a sterile needle you can lift the skin and relieve the milk pressure. Thankfully that worked, but the damn blister keeps coming back!! GAH! 

I am hoping that once the boys are home and we can work more on breastfeeding things will become a little easier in the pumping  dept. I just have to figure out a routine. I guess I will put them to the breast at every feeding and hope they get some milk and then follow it up with a bottle to make sure they are full. Then I will pump to make sure I am empty as well. Now all I will need are extra hours in the day to make sure we can accomplish all this in a timely manner and still manage to not look like a zombie :)  

So, please, feel free to give me ANY tips on pumping along with breast feeding. I did make a pact with myself that if at any point I am hating life pumping and breastfeeding does not work out, I will not be misterable and force it. I have nothing against formula and If need be in order to get quality time with my kids I will just have to make the switch.  I have worked too hard for these babies to miss out bc I am constantly at the pump and frustrated. 

In regards to the boys! Maddox passed his car seat test :) and Mason's numbers went up with the meds for the Anemia (didn't get Maddox's numbers yet) So, he might come home this week!  Maddox I dont think is too far behind. Both boys are within an oz of eachother at 5pounds 5 oz and 5 pounds 4 oz. They look so good!

Thank you for making it this far!!

Shannon

Mason and Maddox Update

Hey everyone, 

The boys test results came back and it looks like Mason is anemic and Maddox is anemic has acid reflux and apnea. All of these things will get fixed with time. Here is information on Apea in premature infants 

http://kidshealth.org/parent/medical/lungs/aop.html

As the article states, apnea in preemies born before 35 weeks is almost expected. It is not uncommon for the babies heart rate to drop for 15-20 seconds when they sleep. Once the infant gets passed apnea it does not return, but it is very scary when it is happening.  To manage the apnea Maddox will receive caffeine orally and  this will stimulate him enough to not happen. This will remind his brain to continue breathing.  

Acid reflux wil be managed by zantac and should go away on its own.  

The anemia that both boys have pretty much means that they lack red blood cells. The red blood cells carry oxygen and this is the reason their o2 is dropping.  They are recieving injections to boost the red blood cells and they will have blood drawn again on Sunday to see if the red blood cells have increased. If the medicine does not work they will recieve a blood transfusion.  That sounds pretty scary, but the doctor said almost all babies in the NICU recieve a blood transfusion at one point or another. She said our boys are in the minority that they have not needed one already. 

With all that said, it sounds scary, but these are all pretty common in the preemie world and they will all correct themselves with time. Mason,  if the meds work and he shows no more signs of Bradycardia, could come home next week. Maddox might be there for a couple more weeks, but might come home sooner on a monitor.  We will def keep you all in the loop. Thank you for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers... As of last night, the boys are 5 pounds 2 and 5 pounds 3 oz :)

Pic 1- Mason

Pic 2- Maddox

Thank you,

shannon and Mike

The Ups and downs...

Hi everyone, 

Unfortunately, the morning Mason was supposed to come home he had an episode of bradycardia and the doctors said he would not be able to come home :(. He along with Maddox had a few more over the weekend and they both are having a test done tomorrow to see what is causing the heart rate drops etc. We are thinking that this could be acid reflux, but wont know for sure. Emotionally I have been doing very well; but, today was a tough day. Not just because of having two babies in the NICU but I woke up to my left breast really engorged and lumpy.  From 7am-11:30 am I took 3 showers, endless heat compresses and massaging.  After I searched website after website I saw what I think was a small white blister and some breastfeeding sites said to pop it with a sterile needle and when I did that milk started to drip out. I did get about 3oz on that side, but since then it has been 1 or 2 oz every time i pump.  I did learn that I was pumping 2-3 hours from the time I END the last pump and was told by the LC that I should be pumping 2-3 hours from the START of the LAST pump..ugh...this is exhausting! I know it is the right thing for my boys so I will do what I can to get them this milk, but I am going to be in for a rude awakening when they come home and I am attached to the pump and trying to care for both of them. Pray that I will figure it out PLEASE!!!!

We went to the NICU today and they are just so beautiful!! Every time I looked at them today I would start crying.  I know they are in the right place and they are getting the care they need, but I just hate leaving them every night. I know they don't know that I am not there 24/7, but my heart just hurts so bad. I just want to kiss them and cuddle them all day and night. They have such cute chunky cheeks and their facial expressions are adorable. I still can't believe they are mine.  i feel like I just go and visit somebody else's babies every day. I hope that whatever is keeping them there is something that clears up on their own with time and they will come home perfectly healthy little munchkins :)

At this point, Maddox is just about 5pounds and Mason is 4 pounds 12 oz ;) such big boys!!

Thank you for keeping up with us!!

shannon

Today is a big day!!

Hi everyone, 

Today is a big day! Mason is coming home. However, Maddox is still having some drops in heart rate so he will not be. Hopefully, he is not too far behind his brother. I am looking at the positive and thinking this will be a nice way to ease into mother hood. Taking one baby home and learning the ropes one at a time. Maddox is in great hands and he is where he needs to be until we find out why he is having episodes of bradycardia.  

I definitely have everything i need, but I just don't feel ready, lol.  Where is my mommy manual? Where are the instructions for each kid :)?  Last night I was at the pump (where I am every 2 hours!!) and I was  thinking in my head.."ok, they eat every 3 hours...I pump every 2 hours...it may take them an hour to have a diaper change, feeding and burping... when do I sleep!?" I am panicking! lol..How does this work!??? Then I need to work on breast feeding.  How do i know they are getting anything? I know these are all normal worries. The boys are going to take a few weeks to even get the hang of breast feeding since they are only 36 weeks corrected age.  Full term babies still need direction and help with breast feeding, so I know this will take time. Then I thought I may never leave the house, however, where would we go anyways besides the doctor?  So, I am using winter as an excuse to become a hermit with the boys and learn what we need to learn. 

If you have any tips on easing into motherhood, breast feeding twins or even one baby, getting on a schedule, items I def need that i may not have thought of please let me know!! I will take all the advice I can get :)

A very excited mommy, 

shannon :)

Update Day 27 in the NICU

Hey everyone!

Sorry, I have been slacking with the blog updates, but things have just been go go go since they got here.  The boys are doing well. Mason is 4 pounds 6 oz and Maddox is 4 pounds 9 oz.  Mason is in preemie clothes and Maddox is stretchin the limits with his. He will be in newborns from now on :). They were supposed to be moved up to the more relaxed nicu, but after we left on sunday night he had a little episode and they decided he needed to stay and be monitored where he is. Since then he has been good and we have been asked to bring the car seats in tomorrow for their car seat test. This is where they place them in their car seats for an hour and a half to see if they have any issues.  If they have no issues then that is pretty much their ticket home.  If they don't pass then they just wait a day or so and try it until they pass. Their tubes are out of their noses and they are eating every meal through a bottle. We think the reason for Maddox's episodes are he doesn't like the fortifier they are adding to his bottle. Mike and I were there both Saturday and Sunday night and both he and Mason refused their bottles. The poor guys were making faces of disgust and gagging on the milk. I took one whif of the their bottles and I would have gagged myself.  The fortifier (vitamins and extra calories) they add to the breast milk must seperate the milk and gives it a smell that is awful! So, the nurse made us new bottles without it and the boys gulped it down.  Since then, they have held off on the fortifier and the boys are drinking the milk with no problem.  We joke about how they like their breast milk plain with nothing in it...from the tap :)

They are getting so big! They have filled out and their cute little cheeks are getting chunky :) I have to say they are beautiful and Maddox is completely dark and Mason is blonde! I love that I can walk in the nicu and not have to ask for any help. I go in, take their temps, change their diaper, feed them and kangaroo (skin to skin) They are just so sweet <3

We are so excited to finally bring them home..hopefully within the week, but are absolutely terrified!!! Mason has turned blue on Mike twice and luckily we noticed it and new to act. Everyone keeps telling us they will not send us home with babies if they are not 100% sure they are ready..boy i hope so!  I am going to miss the monitors telling us what is going on, but i just have to trust in God that we will be fine and they will be over those episodes!

I am sorry i have no photos to post...the area they are in is so dark and i am not allowed to take pics with a flash. I promise I will get some soon!!

We did get our mini van!! It is a Chrysler Town and Country and it will be perfect for us, the dogs, the boys and all of our baggage! 

Also, lucky me, I had to have a basal cell carcinoma removed on my shoulder and just happy i was able to get that out before the boys came home. Now i just need to get organized and set up our routine. Bottle routine, sleeping routine etc...feel free to let me know of any good tips for getting bottles ready, sleeping etc!

Thanks!

Shannon and Mike!

Twins Update: Day 18 in the NICU

Hi everyone!!

Boys are 18 days old and doing well. Mason and Maddox have both "graduated" to the intermediate section. Still breathing on their own, no iv's and both have started drinking from a bottle. Mason is 3 pounds 10 oz and Maddox is 3 pounds 14 oz.  Mason has taken as much as 32cc's in a bottle and is being bottle fed every other feeding. Maddox is a little behind in the bottle department.  He has taken up to 10cc's but, is only getting a bottle 1x every 12 hour shift.  Today I bottle fed Mason and he took about 14cc's before he got frustrated and went on bottle strike..lol. I get so nervous bottle feeding and then having to burp them. They are still so tiny to me and they tend to gag a little bit with the bottle becuase it is still so new and they are only 34 weeks old gestationally.  Mike fed Maddox and from what he says he wanted nothing to do with the bottle and if he did drank a little he spit it back up. i am not too concerned at this point, bc at 34 weeks they are still so little and some babies don't even take a bottle til a few weeks later.  So, if anything we are still a little ahead of the game. 

One thing that we can't get enough of is they are starting to smile and do little coo's.  When we talk to them they look around for us and follow our voice and smile. It is the best feeling in the world. They are starting to fill out quite a bit and when they have their little hats on they actually look a lot alike. However, you take off their hats Maddox has an abundant amount of dark hair and poor Mason has prince williams hair line, but it is light brown with blonde!!! I am so excited for them and what is to come. The only thing I am starting to get nervous about is when they do get to go home we will be getting them circumsized. I know tons of babies get this done and they never remember it and it heals quickly, but I just feel bad putting them through something else painful :(. This is the time to do it since they are so little, but I just feel bad. If you have any been there done that's please let me know to ease my mind. Our OB said he will do it before they leave the hospital so at least it's a doctor I know and trust.