tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33382935269288530432024-03-13T11:15:19.438-07:00Surviving infertility and more...My goal for this journal is to let others struggling through infertility know that you are not alone. A lot of people go through this battle keeping it a secret from friends and family. I want my journal to remind you that you are not alone and what you may be experiencing millions of others are as well.
Sdreamer225http://www.blogger.com/profile/17321556351017440471noreply@blogger.comBlogger66125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3338293526928853043.post-38640247029368232472023-12-02T16:47:00.000-08:002023-12-02T16:47:19.211-08:0011 years later and five years since last post!<p> Well, it has been a hot minute since I last posted...2018. After I had Mason and Maddox it was hard for me to write. Not only was I super busy as a first-time mom to not only one baby, but twins. My writing has always been for therapy and healing. I didn't know how to write about the happy in my life. </p><p> To think this blog was created 11 years ago baffles me. Mike and I were somewhat newly married and just beginning the next stage of our lives. I was dealing with so much pain in my heart that the only way I felt I could continue and be successful during that storm was to write. To possibly educate along the way. It did and I still get messages from strangers who are dealing with the same struggles and looking for answers. </p><p>So, where are we now? Chase and Cayden would be turning 11 on December 22nd and Mason and Maddox are turning 10 on December 18th. To think the last post, they were almost five years old and now they will be turning ten in just a few short weeks. Why write today? Why five years later? </p><p>We left Fl in 2019 and headed to NJ. From NJ we went to Houston. Well, just north of Houston in a town called Spring/Klein....either or...I know, confusing. Anyways, we bought our forever home, and we love it! Mike and I decided when we moved here and established ourselves it was time to also establish our church home. We never had one before and to be honest, I don't think we were ever looking. Church for us growing up was more of a box you checked off the list. You attended CCD class as a child, received communion then confirmation and then you were done. Well, at least that is what I thought about it. My parents made sure we went and checked off the boxes, but we never attended church as a family. We may have gone on Christmas eve, but that was probably the extent of church as a family. </p><p>After losing my grandfather, Chase and Cayden a month to the day in 2012; I started to feel something. I experienced something divine minutes before my grandfather passed and my journey with Mason and Maddox was nothing short of a divine intervention in my eyes. It was then I started to really think and ask questions. We were living in Brooklyn, NY at that time and my apartment building had the best neighbors. One of those neighbors invited me to bible study. How could I say no? It was literally across the street and with going through fertility issues it really couldn't hurt to start praying for a miracle. </p><p>Months had gone by and my bible study group heard about all of my appointments and negative tests. They prayed with me weekly and after I lost Chase and Cayden, they picked me back up. With my history of anxiety and depression, I feel I could have went two ways. I could have easily crawled in a hole and not come out, literally; or I was going to get over it and try again. </p><p>So, fast forward almost ten years later we buy our home in TX. I had already mentioned to Mike that I needed Jesus in my life. This time I was serious. To our surprise our next door neighbors introduced themselves and invited us to their church. Not only invited, but our neighbor was the Pastor! We decided to jump right in, and I can't even tell you how different this church experience is compared to growing up. The music...I cry every single time. The message...it is as if each week it is directed right at me. The community...I can't tell you how many times I tell Mike, "They are just so nice here!"</p><p>My kids love it! They have their own worship they attend and then Mike and I get to sit uninterrupted in our own service. After the service Mike and I attend a parenting class and get the chance to talk to other parents and I just love how we can share our own parenting advice and learn better ways to raise our children. </p><p>The first time I went to the parenting class I was alone. Mike couldn't attend and I just felt the need to go that day even if my other half wasn't there. That day someone brought up "Testimony." Shared what their testimony was. Here is mine....</p><p>November 22, 2012</p><p>My grandfather was dying. He was not really talking and in and out of it. He looked to be in a lot of pain, and I do believe they were keeping him "comfortable." Minutes before he passed, he mumbled the words, "babies". My mom and I looked at each other to see if we both heard it. We repeated it back to him and he shook his head. I took it as he wanted to know the babies...or maybe what they were. We didn't even know. We were planning on doing a gender reveal a few weeks later. I had to lie to him and tell him it was a boy and a girl. I didn't know what else to say. After that he relaxed and a few moments later he starts to put his hand together in a prayer form. We all asked him if he was wanting to pray. He shook his head and we prayed. Moments later he passed. I thought about those moments a lot and we all agreed it was as if the angels were on their way and he knew it. He knew to pray before they took him. </p><p>December 22, 2012</p><p>20w5d. My body goes into spontaneous labor. The boys are born and live for about an hour. I will never forget the sound of my husband crying as one baby grasps his finger. They were just too small for this earth. I still regret to this day opting for the pain meds. When they offered me the meds, I just wanted to be sedated. I knew my babies were coming and not staying, but I never thought the meds would make me so numb that I would not be able to cry or even worse not be able to hold them in their final moments. Luckily, after they passed, I was able to spend time and hold them, but I still regret the meds. </p><p>For months after we lost Chase and Cayden the doctors said I was the less than 1%. I had two doctors tell me that and who was I to question that. I am not a doctor. However, something was not sitting right with me. Here is where my "Testimony" comes into play. My dad had a best friend who had a client in Brooklyn, NY. That friend sold 4D Ultrasound Machines to doctors. This doctor was one of the only doctors in the world that studies the placenta. Again, my dad's best friend, I just happen to live Brooklyn and live within 30 min of this doctor. Coincidence? </p><p>I get the opportunity to see this doctor for a consultation. A consultation that is $1,000.00. A consultation that my insurance just so happened to accept and not have to pay. Again, how does that even happen? The doctor tells me to bring the boys' placental autopsies. He reviews the report and within a min or less he pinpoints a problem. He says, "The weight of both boy's placenta combined weighed less than what one should be." You should have been on blood thinners you have a blood clot disorder called Thrombophilia. Stunned! I just sat there in shock. This many just told me an answer. He answered it like as if you asked him what to take when you have a headache. It was a no brainer to him. </p><p>My next question is what now? I had an OB and a Maternal Fetal Med doctor telling me I was just unlucky. I had a fertility doctor tell me let's do the same "cocktail" and try to get you one baby. The same doctor who said, "If by chance you get multiples again, we reduce down to one. My goal is to get you a healthy baby. If you don't reduce to one baby the same thing will happen, but instead of 20 weeks you will experience the loss a few weeks later which could be even more heartbreaking." Of course, I ask that doctor what does reducing mean? What week? How does it work? The doctor knowing what we just went through and cremating two babies, answered very cautiously...." It would be around 14 weeks and with a needle to whichever babies' heart is most accessible." I immediately start crying at the thought that this was even something that had to be considered. </p><p>I call up the new doctor and inform him of the fertility doctors' "recommendation". He advised me to do the same cocktail and instead of reducing to one baby I will be in his care at 8 weeks, and we will go from there. </p><p>Cocktail works! My body doesn't work but works very well with drugs. I get twins...again and I get twin boys at that. I was a mess. Instead of jumping for joy all I could think of was Deja Vu. This is happening again. This was the same story. I read this book already. I know the ending. The ending sucked and I don't want to relive it. However, the doctor put me on blood thinners, and we get to 31 w 5 days. </p><p>December 18, 2013</p><p>Mason and Maddox are born via Csection. My water broke while on hospital bed rest and we made it just two days shy of 32 weeks. That 32 week mark was crucial. Mason spent 44 days and Maddox spent 66 days in the NICU.</p><p>People often talk about their babies first year. I can honestly tell you God gave me the happiest and most loving, calm and silly boys. God gave me the ability to breast feed up to 9 months and enough milk to last a year. I didn't get the easy pregnancy or the experience of holding my children right after birth. That skin to skin and going home together, but God gave me Chase and Cayden back in the form of Mason and Maddox. </p><p>I believe my grandfather knew he was going to have the babies in heaven. Maybe mumbling babies as his last words were his way of reassuring me that he knew. I also get asked if I miss Chase and Cayden and how I don't cry or breakdown. I truly believe that Mason and Maddox were given back to me by Chase and Cayden. </p><p>I also had a moment recently, for the first time in 10 years, I thought about that day the doctor told me I would have had to reduce to one baby. What if I did? Which baby would it have been? I can't imagine how many women are put into that position and don't question it. What if I didn't meet that other doctor? What if I wasn't in Brooklyn, NY at that time. Again, I was put into places for a reason. </p><p>If you made it this far, thank you. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbsPadbGnmE5QB3kO3-Z5T6WJXFyXjwBgFmDwo6pnaeDNTYHQ_sjF5o9FsnSlBlHxMcirV_bUI5JbxRIMIlYA67H0XcIOdQC33N8RzRnntqPJRKDTSZ-pMhd6-oTT-QQPgd6ynUIEyPSsgyreaQPG96OnqLwx0RTZTj8JFrdqZcia7m_jspblzsCcKeP_J/s1440/404997624_6625268784250072_3647416691561739957_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1440" data-original-width="1440" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbsPadbGnmE5QB3kO3-Z5T6WJXFyXjwBgFmDwo6pnaeDNTYHQ_sjF5o9FsnSlBlHxMcirV_bUI5JbxRIMIlYA67H0XcIOdQC33N8RzRnntqPJRKDTSZ-pMhd6-oTT-QQPgd6ynUIEyPSsgyreaQPG96OnqLwx0RTZTj8JFrdqZcia7m_jspblzsCcKeP_J/s320/404997624_6625268784250072_3647416691561739957_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p>Sdreamer225http://www.blogger.com/profile/17321556351017440471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3338293526928853043.post-89429549259785165162018-04-26T12:13:00.003-07:002018-05-03T10:13:00.176-07:00Fight or Flight? Possibly the scariest moment of my life<div class="MsoNormal">
Have you ever wondered if you were brave? You think about a
scary situation and wonder if you could be that person that sees an accident and
runs in to assist. You see someone drowning, would you be brave enough to pull
them out and perform cpr? I had a situation last summer that if you were to
ever ask me if I was brave enough to conquer it I would have blatantly told you
no and grabbed my kids and ran. Here was my situation:<o:p></o:p></div>
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Last summer the boys and I took a trip up to my parents’
house in the Poconos of Pennsylvania. My parents live in a beautiful 3 story
house and the basement is what you would call an in-law suite. At the very
bottom of the stairs to your right is a small kitchen area that consists of a
stove/oven, sink and mini fridge. My parents moved into this house when I was
in college, so this was not the house I grew up in. The stove in the in-law
suit never worked according to my dad. In fact, when he rented out that space tenants
would use a hot plate because the stove “didn’t” work.</div>
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The boys and I when we visited would stay in the in-law suit
and I loved having our own bathroom, living room and bedroom. It was like
staying in our own little house while we visited. Far enough away that the kids
wouldn’t be woken up by us adults upstairs laughing and hanging out and far
enough away that my family didn’t have to deal with early morning temper
tantrums. <o:p></o:p></div>
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It was a week day morning so both my parents were at work. I
was upstairs with the boys making breakfast. Maddox was watching a show in the
living room off the kitchen and Mason had signaled he wanted a toy downstairs.
Without hesitation I told him to go ahead downstairs and get his toy. While
finishing up breakfast and probably 2 min or so went by I started to yell for
Mason to come upstairs and eat. It wasn’t like him to not come when called so I
walked over to the doorway and as I looked down the steps I saw an orange tinge
and smoke. I jumped probably 15 stairs and let out a scream I never recognized.
When I got to the bottom of the stairs the stove was on fire to my right and
Mason was across the room on the couch saying, “Hot”. The basement has very low
ceilings and the flame I would say was less than a foot away from the ceiling.
The ceiling was made of these panels that resembled a dry wall type of
material. Let’s just say probably very flammable. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I looked at the flame and my immediate reaction after seeing
that Mason was ok, was that I can’t let my parents’ house burn. I noticed that
there was a plastic dish drain on top of the stove and Mason must have turned
the burner on and the dish drain caught fire. Across from the kitchen area is a
door to the back yard and I knew if I could grab the dish drain and run it over
to the door and throw it outside I may have a chance to save the house. Of
course in my mind if that didn’t work I would just grab Mason, run upstairs
grab Maddox and the dog and get outside to the neighbors to call 911. I grabbed
the drain on the one side that wasn’t on fire and lifted it off the stove.
Parts of it still on fire fell on the burbury carpet, but I was able to get it
out the door. The pieces of the drain that fell on the carpet were still
burning, but I was able to wet the towel on the sink and put it out. Now, the
stove was still burning, but I was able to use the pot that was on the side
table that the previous tenant left on top of his hot plate (I at least
unplugged the hot plate when we arrived to my parent’s house, because a plugged
in hot plate and two 3 years olds is dangerous, right?) After filling up the
pot a few times and throwing it on the stove and carpet the fire was out and
the burner was off. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I grabbed Mason ran upstairs, grabbed Maddox and put the dog
on the deck. I ran over to the neighbor’s house trembling and asked if he would
come over to make sure everything was fine. Everything was fine, but I was a
mess. Mason wouldn’t even go downstairs the rest of the trip and all I kept
doing was running different scenarios through my head. What if I didn’t go down
there at that moment? What if Mason was trapped down there and I couldn’t get
to him? What if my parent’s house burned down? I still have moments where I go
back to that moment and think of how lucky I was to go down at that exact time
to be able to conquer the flames. <o:p></o:p></div>
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The whole point of this post is, I never in my wildest dreams
thought I would have attempted to put out a fire. I know some of you are
thinking, “Why would she stay and try to put it out? Get your kids and get out!”
I agree, I would tell someone the same thing. However, I still can’t believe my
instinct was to try and put it out. Maybe in my head I thought my parents were going to kill me if something were to happen to their home. Honestly, I must have had a mommy instinct that I could put it out, because I would never put my family in a situation where we would have died. We are all much stronger than we give ourselves
credit for. If there is ever a moment in your mind that you think you are not
strong, you are amazingly strong. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br />
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Feel free to share your stories. I like knowing that I am
not the only crazy person <span style="font-family: "wingdings"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span>.<o:p></o:p></div>
Sdreamer225http://www.blogger.com/profile/17321556351017440471noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3338293526928853043.post-20844015333505297522018-04-17T17:09:00.002-07:002018-04-17T17:36:13.926-07:00Please for the love of all things holy....use the damn potty :)April 17, 2018<br />
<br />
Ok, I am going to be very honest here. You know that point in toddler hood where your child is supposed to use this thing called the potty? Well, my child has completely missed that memo.<br />
<br />
Thank goodness I have one twin that is potty trained because if I just had Mason I would feel like I have failed as a parent. Are you ready for it? MASON IS STILL IN DIAPERS! He is FOUR years old! I know kids who are just turning two that are going to the bathroom on the potty. I am starting to get that anxiety of going out in public and people finding out.<br />
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If your a parent you know that feeling; everyone is standing around watching their kids run around and then one person brings it up and you have one mom who is like, "Oh ya, my perfect little Jimmy Joe was peeing on the potty at 9 months, wiping himself and then strapping his own diaper on." Then you have the next mom who has to one up the first mom. I am not a bragger, in fact, I want to be the mom that just lays all the bad crap out on the table. I want to meet a mom at the play ground that sees my kid in a diaper and then says, "Oh your kid too? Refuses the potty? Ya, I have one just like him."<br />
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I need to know there are other moms out there. Please!! Please let me know I am not the only parent whose child refuses to go on the potty. I wish I could say he has gone a few times, but I would be lying. He has gone pee pee on the potty once.<br />
<br />
I joke and say that my child is going to go to the prom in a diaper and we all laugh, but honestly, I am covering up a fear that is starting to really fester deep down. I am reading articles from professionals who advise not to push. They mention that you don't see adults wearing diapers or soiling in the streets so just give him time. Well, how much time does this kid need? The kid can pretty much make himself his own lunch and I feel like every time I ask him to go to the bathroom his is flicking me off in his head.<br />
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They say not to nag and there is no way to force him so I just let him be and pray that I wake up to the glorious sounds of my child's stream hitting the little plastic spinner in our baby urinal that is suctioned to the glass shower :).<br />
<br />
So, I want to ask all my mommy and daddy friends. Please tell me something that you have faced raising your kids to make me feel better....Please :)<br />
<br />
Stay tuned!<br />
<br />
<br />Sdreamer225http://www.blogger.com/profile/17321556351017440471noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3338293526928853043.post-24559812113619096862018-04-17T16:47:00.002-07:002018-04-17T16:47:14.492-07:00Long overdue update! Hello! It has been a couple years since my last post and lets just say the boys are 4 years old, in PreK and crazy as ever. Since moving to Florida back in 2015 we have been living the life. We take a lot of trips to Disney World, Busch Gardens and love watching all the wild life in our back yard.<br />
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At around 22 months my husband noticed the boys were not talking as well as they should have been. I, honestly, thought he was over reacting and was told that boys talk later than girls. Luckily, we found a state program that evaluated the boys and indeed they were developmentally delayed and was told they could start school full time as soon as they turned 3 years old. I was so excited for them, but sad that my time at home with them was ending. Actually, I take that back. I was ready for them to start. I wasn't really sad. I think I was sad at the idea, but we were all ready for something new. I hate to admit that I was ready for them to go to school, but the truth is I knew they were getting bored. Also, anyone with small children know how hard it is to go run errands when you have little ones let alone two of them the same age. It was almost impossible to do anything during the day alone with them.<br />
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The boys started school and I was ready to take on the world. I had my new routine in place. Get up, get the kids dressed, fed, dropped off at school and go to the gym. The gym was over around 10 am, I would drive home, shower, straighten up the house and was able to relax for a couple hours before the boys were to be picked up. I loved it...for about 6 months. I had so many people tell me to enjoy this time, relax etc...but, i was feeling guilty. My husband was working and in my head I was goofing off. We are a one income military family and let me tell you, it is not easy living on one income.<br />
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So, I decided after a year to myself that I needed a new routine. I noticed that my brain was going to mush. My vocabulary was dwindling and as good as it was going to the gym and getting in shape I needed my brain to get in shape too. To me, I needed something more than just cleaning my house and running errands.<br />
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I started volunteering at the boys school as an aide and really enjoyed it. The first day I came home and couldn't get the smile off my face. I felt I had a purpose. I was doing good in the world, making a difference. After a few days, I was asked if I was interested in a full time position in the guidance department and was pretty much hired right away. I LOVE IT! I finally have a job that I look forward to and can have lunch with my boys. I am not going to lie having the summers off and all the fancy holidays is a great perk as well! <br />
<br />We have one year left here in Florida and I am not ready to go. I have great friends a great job and we are finally where we need to be. Stay tuned!<br />
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Sdreamer225http://www.blogger.com/profile/17321556351017440471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3338293526928853043.post-2162240582095667262016-04-20T18:31:00.001-07:002016-04-20T18:31:09.668-07:00When you can't make the choice...Hi everyone!<br />
<br />
It has been a very long time since I have blogged and I have missed it terribly. I have been pondering lately on what I should write about and it finally hit me the other day. I am at the point with the boys where if I didn't struggle with fertility treatments we would probably be getting ready to have another child.<br />
As I was standing in the kitchen the other night I watched the boys wrestle and I could not believe how big they are getting. It hit me that we are no longer in the baby stage. We are talking, getting ready to potty train, drinking from big boy cups, carrying our plates to the table, learning to walk without the stroller and so forth. We are growing up! I always wonder what it would be like to have a little girl or what my boys would be like as big brothers.<br />
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Living in a new area people are not aware of our past fertility struggles and I often get asked if we will be trying for more. I usually don't bring up our past and continue with, "possibly, God willing," or something along those lines. When in reality Mike and I have never prevented after we got married. We have never conceived on our own without intense treatments. I can't guarantee we won't get multiples (my body will not be able to handle multiples again) and IVF is just way too expensive. So, with that being said, unless God has different plans for us it will be just the four of us.<br />
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Don't get me wrong, I am very happy with my little family. I just wanted to be the one to make that choice. In a perfect world, the boys would be turning 3 and I would have thought that would have been a perfect age to start trying for another. Instead, I will continue to pray about it and who knows maybe something in my body will click and it happens and if you know my story from the last 5 years, if that were to happen we better find an amazing Doctor who understands my diagnosis with Thrombophilia. <br />
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Thank you for reading!!<br />
<br />
ShannonSdreamer225http://www.blogger.com/profile/17321556351017440471noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3338293526928853043.post-85638173511910480192015-04-19T08:50:00.000-07:002015-04-19T08:50:09.759-07:00We are in Florida!Good morning! I just wanted to update everyone on the boys. We are 16 months old, we babble nonstop, we eat EVERYTHING, we LOVE the beach, we dance every time we hear music and we are quite the travelers.<br />
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We have been in Florida for three weeks now and will finally be moving into our house on Saturday. I have to say the boys have adapted the Florida lifestyle pretty well. I wasn't quite sure how they would like the sand and water, but they are like little fish. When we get to the beach they can barely contain themselves and when loose they are all over the beach. They run right into the water and begin splashing, chasing se<br />
agulls and building sand castles.<br />
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Last night I sat down and got lost in my blog. It took me 45 min to read from the beginning up until now. I still can't believe we went through so much. I feel like it was another lifetime ago. I don't even feel like it was my life. When I read about Chase and Cayden I get sad, but I can't help but think about the two I have now. At the time the world was ending. I was never going to have children, I was never going to have my twins. The only way I make sense of everything is God gave me back Chase and Cayden in the form of Mason and Maddox. I am sure many of you will think I am a nut and probably think it is a rediculous thought, but I really feel it is true.<br />
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Here are my boys!<br />
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<br />Sdreamer225http://www.blogger.com/profile/17321556351017440471noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3338293526928853043.post-26521508981607859652014-12-20T11:49:00.001-08:002014-12-20T12:00:05.965-08:00It's been two years since Chase and Cayden.Wow, my last blog was in March! I apologize for not writing more often. I have been a little busy ;). Mason and Maddox are now 1 years old and does time fly. I still can't believe what we have today. I was reading my blog and it seems like another lifetime ago we went through fertility treatments, Chase and Cayden and the rough pregnancy we had with Mason and Maddox. The last few days I have been on high emotion. This is a hard time for us. As exciting as it is with the boys, I still always have my other little boys in mind.<br>
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To think two years ago on the 22nd I was almost six months along with Chase and Cayden. Finally! we had babies and two coming into this world. The shots in the stomach, constant monitoring and endless pregnancy tests later we had babies! Never in a million years would I have thought something bad would happen. In my mind we went through the rough patch. Going through the heartache of infertility was painful enough and how would God put us through anymore. We were home free. Then, it happened. I woke up to the most God awful back pain I could have ever imagined. Little did I know in less than 5 hours time my little boys would be born and pass away in the same hour. Our family of four existed for 20 min. They were perfect. Ten fingers and toes. They were babies...very small babies. I was so angry! To get halfway and then it was taken away. How could there be a God who was that mean?<br>
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I remember going to a few follow up visits with our fertility specialist, our OB and our High Risk doctor. All saying the same thing. You are the 1%. We don't know why these things happen. Even going as far as telling me my body was not made to carry two babies and I could prob never carry two babies. I was told to take a year or so off. Collect my thoughts and come back when I was mentally ready. I never once thought of taking time off. I didn't even want to wait another month to try again. I new in my heart I was going to have babies. I didn't think I would ever have twins, but I was going to have a child. My fertility doctor even told me if we do the treatments again and get twins or more that we should reduce. So, not only am I risking it all over again, but now you want me to have to choose a baby to terminate. But, I knew in my heart, we would be fine and God pushed us in the direction of a very special doctor who told us that twins would not be a problem if we were to conceive again and he would monitor us very closely. He had the solution to our problem.<br>
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Fast forward a month of treatments and a very low dose of treatments it was. Our fertility doctor tried his best to not bombard my body with multiple eggs. We were going to get one good one. That was the goal. However, I must have been chosen for twins, because twins is what we got...again, and twin boys at that.<br>
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I guess the whole point to my rambling is to never give up. I was told by many to take time off...go on vacation...collect yourself....give it a year. I am so glad I didn't because these two little boys Mason and Maddox would not be here. I may not have had the opportunity to see my special doctor and we may have even suffer another horrible loss if we were not here in NYC. I have four precious little boys. Two that would have been two years old on Monday and two that just turned 1 last Thursday. I do believe Chase and Cayden's souls are in Mason and Maddox. I believe that because I don't hurt as much as I thought I would. Of course I miss them and always think of them, but I am at peace and so blessed to have all four boys in my heart.<br>
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Thank you Chase and Cayden for making me the person I am today. Thank you for giving me Mason and Maddox. I love you all so much! Godspeed my little men.<br>
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Mommy <3<br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-DtZmOw2z4AY/VJXU6TgglmI/AAAAAAAAAWY/SNG0DOKo7LM/s640/blogger-image--1738886822.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-DtZmOw2z4AY/VJXU6TgglmI/AAAAAAAAAWY/SNG0DOKo7LM/s640/blogger-image--1738886822.jpg"></a></div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-I7Cgqrr27yY/VJXU5oBrRII/AAAAAAAAAWQ/dALX9DLjGm0/s640/blogger-image-298614188.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-I7Cgqrr27yY/VJXU5oBrRII/AAAAAAAAAWQ/dALX9DLjGm0/s640/blogger-image-298614188.jpg"></a></div>Sdreamer225http://www.blogger.com/profile/17321556351017440471noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3338293526928853043.post-6876719095348590782014-03-07T06:27:00.001-08:002014-03-07T06:30:37.758-08:00We are surviving :)Hey everyone! <div><br></div><div>I am finally sitting down to blog, of course with one baby on my chest...lol. </div><div><br></div><div>Things have been going really well. Mason has been home a little over a month and Maddox has been home for 2 weeks! I can't even believe how fast it is going. In the beginning getting them to sleep at night was a doozy, but as of the last few nights they are doing pretty good. We are starting to get a good routine down. At night we do the three "B's". Bath, bottle, bed! Luckily, the boys love being in the bath, but can definitely tell when they are being taken out. They hate leaving the tub and Maddox will let you know he is being tortured by this death screams, lol. The boy has some set of lungs on him. After our bath we get changed into our jammies and we drink our bottle and usually Mason is passed out before he even finishes and he is down for good. Maddox is my little night owl and takes a bit more time to go down. He is usually talking and laughing and mommy and daddy can't help but soak in the giggles before bed. So, as of the last few nights, the babies are in bed between 9-10pm and will sleep til about 2am. This is not too bad as long as we get a few solid hours of sleep in. It is amazing how good you feel after 3 solid hours of uninterrupted sleep, lol. Then the bottle, burp, change and mommy pumping begins. We are all usually back to sleep by 2:50am and we sleep til about 6-6:30am. I can deal with this! </div><div><br></div><div>The babies at this age are nice because they pretty much sleep all day and wake when they are hungry or need a changing. I am able to get all my chores done and keep up with my shows. However, Mike returns back to work on Monday and hopefully wont mind waking at 2am to do a quick feeding with me ;)</div><div><br></div><div>Pumping is still going strong and with both boys being home we have been able to work on breast feeding as well. So, depending on our schedule and such I will breast feed throughout the day followed by pumping or some days we just do bottles and I pump..it just really depends on how things are flowing,but it is nice to know that if a baby is fussy I can just put him to the boob and he is satisfied or I can warm some bottles up and we can both feed. Works out pretty good! </div><div><br></div><div>This week has been bombarded with appointments and I am happy to say they are gaining weight nicely and are about 8 pounds 6 oz.! </div><div><br></div><div>Sorry if my blog was a little scattered, but I am rushing to get all the facts and info in before Mason wakes up on my chest...lol. </div><div><br></div><div>Thank you all for following!</div><div><br></div><div>Shannon</div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-4JCtvRIatg8/UxnXqb_x1AI/AAAAAAAAAT0/SATCfKuAlJo/s640/blogger-image--1827102177.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-4JCtvRIatg8/UxnXqb_x1AI/AAAAAAAAAT0/SATCfKuAlJo/s640/blogger-image--1827102177.jpg"></a></div>Sdreamer225http://www.blogger.com/profile/17321556351017440471noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3338293526928853043.post-72147616298496422942014-02-21T05:37:00.001-08:002014-02-21T05:37:28.050-08:00He comes home tomorrow!!!Ok, I finally have a moment to update my blog :)<div><br></div><div>So, Mason has been home for 3 weeks and I have to say he fits in pretty good around here. The puggles at first were terrified of him, but now everytime we do tummy time they run over for kisses and cuddles with Mason. Well, Maki wants to love him so much it kind of freaks me out. She crawls over to him and tries to roll on top of him and kiss him. Hey...love is love, right? Chloe goes right over to him and sniffs him and gives him one kiss to the head and she is gone. she is very gentle with him which is funny, because if you know chloe she kisses with a running start..lol. </div><div><br></div><div>Mason is pretty easy going. He likes to sleep a lot and as long as I feed him every 3-4 hours he is pretty content. We are working on our night time routine, bc he tends to like to stay up and talk which is nice and all, but mommy is tired! Last night was a good routine. We took a bath and he LOVES his bath time. He never cries and just enjoys the warm water. After a bath we get a baby massage with lotion, gets dressed and once we start to see eyes rolling we go to bed. He slept from 10pm-2am woke up to eat, i pumped and he was back to sleep from 2:45am-5:30am. Mike gets the 5:00-5:30am shift and after his 5:30 am feeding he goes back to bed until usually 7:30 or so. So, if we can just get Maddox on the same schedule once he is home I would say it's a good start. </div><div><br></div><div>Pumping is going really good. I was so nervous I wasn't going to produce enough but so far the boys are getting strictly breast milk. We go back and forth from breast feeding to bottle feeding, but mostly bottle feeding. It is just easier in the sense that I know how much they are getting and not feeding them every hour bc I am guessing how much they get from the breast. Also, Mason is picky and sometimes he will breast feed and the rest of the time he just wants the bottle and that is it! He will let you know really quick which it is :) At this point I am pumping 50-60oz a day and they eat between 3-4 oz each every 3-4 hours so I am doing good or just pumping enough :)</div><div><br></div><div>I am so happy to have Maddox home tomorrow. It just doesn't feel right without him and i can't wait to get him to start doing tummy time, chillin in his swing, bouncy seat and just some 24/7 time with mom and dad. I know he is getting the care he needs in the NICU, but at this point he really needs the stimulation and bonding time with us so we are ready for him to come home. However, I am nervous for two babies. The past 3 weeks we have just had Mason and it has been pretty easy going for the most part. I am sure two will be a bit chaotic at first, but we will be all together! I can't wait to see them side by side, in the same crib, and just hanging out together. </div><div><br></div><div>Here are a few pics :)</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-BIkIrf44NJk/UwdWlTh5pDI/AAAAAAAAATc/d16TY1KrFW4/s640/blogger-image--476010425.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-BIkIrf44NJk/UwdWlTh5pDI/AAAAAAAAATc/d16TY1KrFW4/s640/blogger-image--476010425.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-GZJLDq6ZnLY/UwdWk-HjuzI/AAAAAAAAATU/aq0-qyeapUM/s640/blogger-image--468857868.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-GZJLDq6ZnLY/UwdWk-HjuzI/AAAAAAAAATU/aq0-qyeapUM/s640/blogger-image--468857868.jpg"></a></div><br></div>Sdreamer225http://www.blogger.com/profile/17321556351017440471noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3338293526928853043.post-40503084165422378662014-02-11T17:44:00.001-08:002014-02-11T17:44:22.578-08:00Mason has been home for two weeks and still waiting on Maddy boy :(So, a lot has happened since my last post. Maddox is still in the hospital and battled a blood infection which turned out to be Ecoli :(. He had to have a spinal tap to rule out a few things, but he is doing much better. It has been very hard having Maddox in the hospital and Mason home. I feel like I am neglecting Maddox by not being able to give him 24/7 care like I am Mason. Every day one of us goes up there for a few hours and it just breaks my heart. His poor little body has been through so much. Constant IV's, spinal tap, and blood work done every few days :(. His poor little eyes are so swollen from being laid in the bassinet all day. That is the hardest part for me. I just want to pick him up and carry him all day just so he doesnt have to lay down anymore. He is also getting so big! Mason is a good size, but i feel like Maddy is just so big! I am sure the fluids play a part in that too and him looking swollen. He is a whopping 6 pounds 10 oz. Also, he is a little bit temperamental. When he wants to eat he lets you know. I don't think I have heard a child scream like that in a very long time. I hope that when he gets home and is out of the nicu environment and more comfortable he wont find the need to scream bloody murder when he wants to eat...lol. I find it is getting very hard for me to see him there. I want more than anything to hold him and see him, but I just cry when i am there and i hold him. Seeing your child with wires and puffy from positioning is just very hard. He is scheduled to come home on February 23rd and I just wish it would get here already. We are ready to have our family complete and home settled. <div><br></div><div>Mason is doing good! He is a very good, calm baby. As long as you feed him, change him and give him his binky he is a very content little man. He loves bath time and likes watching the puggles :) We are sleeping about 3-4 hour stretches at night which is nice, but i still happen to get up and put my hand on his stomach to make sure he is still breathing...lol. I am sure I will be doing that for a long time. </div><div><br></div><div>I now know how much sleep has meant to me. I am exhausted and with pumping it makes it a little harder. I would be able to sleep in longer stretches when Mike is home, but pumping every 3 hours puts a little damper on the whole sleep thing. My body seems to know what is going on bc it is still producing and there are times in the day I get about 8oz in one 20-30 min pump. Not sure how i am going to do with both boys drinking a little over 3 oz every 3.5-4 hours eeek!!! I did make some really yummy lactation cookies so maybe that has helped. </div><div><br></div><div>well, I have to go since a certain little man is looking like it is time to eat. </div><div><br></div><div>Talk to you soon!</div><div><br></div><div>Shannon</div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-vczXuHdfE1Q/UvrR4SlkNbI/AAAAAAAAATE/9JHbH5Dit-Y/s640/blogger-image-2132106033.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-vczXuHdfE1Q/UvrR4SlkNbI/AAAAAAAAATE/9JHbH5Dit-Y/s640/blogger-image-2132106033.jpg"></a></div>Me and Maddox</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-gh6uCg8YY_A/UvrR3fRCtQI/AAAAAAAAAS8/fhY9NaxAK5w/s640/blogger-image-259120513.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-gh6uCg8YY_A/UvrR3fRCtQI/AAAAAAAAAS8/fhY9NaxAK5w/s640/blogger-image-259120513.jpg"></a></div>Mason<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-dt0MxySXcKg/UvrR2TD5zxI/AAAAAAAAAS0/hoA5jOtwFDQ/s640/blogger-image--1236426635.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-dt0MxySXcKg/UvrR2TD5zxI/AAAAAAAAAS0/hoA5jOtwFDQ/s640/blogger-image--1236426635.jpg"></a></div>Maki begging for attention...lol</div></div>Sdreamer225http://www.blogger.com/profile/17321556351017440471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3338293526928853043.post-70978563329301220822014-01-27T05:37:00.001-08:002014-01-27T05:37:34.549-08:00Diary of a pumping lady! (do not read if you are offended by boobs :)Hi everyone, <div><br></div><div>Since my blog has covered everything from infertility, loss, joy, pregnancy and complications why not throw in their some more TMI stuff such as boobs and pumping/breastfeeding. Since the boys are in the NICU for 5 weeks so far I have exclusively pumped for their every meal and we have worked on breast feeding a bit. Luckily, both boys have a good sense of what a breast is for and I think we might have a good chance for breastfeeding once we are home and able to really work on it "comfortably." </div><div><br></div><div>At this point the boys are each eating 50 CC's of milk every three hours and they eat 8 times a day so if we do that math they are eating 27 oz a day. Luckily, I am pumping roughly about 40oz so i am able to keep up for now :) However, pumping is no joke! Every 2-3 hours around the clock I hook myself up for about 20-30 min so I can maintain and up my supply for the boys. Most days I am a zombie and waking up at 12:30am, 3:00am and 6:00am can be very hard but, I really enjoy knowing the boys are getting strickly breast milk while in the NICU. I am setting little goals for pumping. I want to make it to three months with pumping and if we can transition to both pumping/breastfeeding that would be great. I would love to set my goal for breast feeding to six months and then if it works out well we can extend that goal.</div><div><br></div><div>However, the things nobody tells you when pumping...sizing of the parts, itchy/burning nipples, plugged ducts, mastitis etc. So far in five weeks I have had one plugged duct and one milk blister. I am pretty sure after five weeks I am learning that my right flange (breast shield)may be too big causing my nippy to turn every shade of purple and blue I have ever seen! I am not going to lie it is awful. When I had the plugged duct I spent four hours pumping, heat, massaging, showering so this DAMN thing would let the milk pass. With the milk blister (bleb) I spent almost the same amount of time until I read if you take a sterile needle you can lift the skin and relieve the milk pressure. Thankfully that worked, but the damn blister keeps coming back!! GAH! </div><div><br></div><div>I am hoping that once the boys are home and we can work more on breastfeeding things will become a little easier in the pumping dept. I just have to figure out a routine. I guess I will put them to the breast at every feeding and hope they get some milk and then follow it up with a bottle to make sure they are full. Then I will pump to make sure I am empty as well. Now all I will need are extra hours in the day to make sure we can accomplish all this in a timely manner and still manage to not look like a zombie :) </div><div><br></div><div>So, please, feel free to give me ANY tips on pumping along with breast feeding. I did make a pact with myself that if at any point I am hating life pumping and breastfeeding does not work out, I will not be misterable and force it. I have nothing against formula and If need be in order to get quality time with my kids I will just have to make the switch. I have worked too hard for these babies to miss out bc I am constantly at the pump and frustrated. </div><div><br></div><div>In regards to the boys! Maddox passed his car seat test :) and Mason's numbers went up with the meds for the Anemia (didn't get Maddox's numbers yet) So, he might come home this week! Maddox I dont think is too far behind. Both boys are within an oz of eachother at 5pounds 5 oz and 5 pounds 4 oz. They look so good!</div><div><br></div><div>Thank you for making it this far!!</div><div><br></div><div>Shannon</div>Sdreamer225http://www.blogger.com/profile/17321556351017440471noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3338293526928853043.post-75577814984735192432014-01-24T12:17:00.001-08:002014-01-24T12:20:59.844-08:00Mason and Maddox UpdateHey everyone, <div><br></div><div>The boys test results came back and it looks like Mason is anemic and Maddox is anemic has acid reflux and apnea. All of these things will get fixed with time. Here is information on Apea in premature infants </div><div>http://kidshealth.org/parent/medical/lungs/aop.html</div><div><br></div><div>As the article states, apnea in preemies born before 35 weeks is almost expected. It is not uncommon for the babies heart rate to drop for 15-20 seconds when they sleep. Once the infant gets passed apnea it does not return, but it is very scary when it is happening. To manage the apnea Maddox will receive caffeine orally and this will stimulate him enough to not happen. This will remind his brain to continue breathing. </div><div><br></div><div>Acid reflux wil be managed by zantac and should go away on its own. </div><div><br></div><div>The anemia that both boys have pretty much means that they lack red blood cells. The red blood cells carry oxygen and this is the reason their o2 is dropping. They are recieving injections to boost the red blood cells and they will have blood drawn again on Sunday to see if the red blood cells have increased. If the medicine does not work they will recieve a blood transfusion. That sounds pretty scary, but the doctor said almost all babies in the NICU recieve a blood transfusion at one point or another. She said our boys are in the minority that they have not needed one already. </div><div><br></div><div>With all that said, it sounds scary, but these are all pretty common in the preemie world and they will all correct themselves with time. Mason, if the meds work and he shows no more signs of Bradycardia, could come home next week. Maddox might be there for a couple more weeks, but might come home sooner on a monitor. We will def keep you all in the loop. Thank you for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers... As of last night, the boys are 5 pounds 2 and 5 pounds 3 oz :)</div><div><br></div><div>Pic 1- Mason</div><div>Pic 2- Maddox</div><div><br></div><div>Thank you,</div><div><br></div><div>shannon and Mike</div><div><br></div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-m_twuJBY6rI/UuLLANoMEaI/AAAAAAAAASc/QculXpwmKJI/s640/blogger-image-1510567641.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-m_twuJBY6rI/UuLLANoMEaI/AAAAAAAAASc/QculXpwmKJI/s640/blogger-image-1510567641.jpg"></a></div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-G80ZHHb0Ljs/UuLK-LtIp-I/AAAAAAAAASU/HdnBYGkYqwk/s640/blogger-image-429671654.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-G80ZHHb0Ljs/UuLK-LtIp-I/AAAAAAAAASU/HdnBYGkYqwk/s640/blogger-image-429671654.jpg"></a></div>Sdreamer225http://www.blogger.com/profile/17321556351017440471noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3338293526928853043.post-65886943214382242432014-01-20T18:16:00.001-08:002014-01-20T18:16:12.701-08:00The Ups and downs...Hi everyone, <div><br></div><div>Unfortunately, the morning Mason was supposed to come home he had an episode of bradycardia and the doctors said he would not be able to come home :(. He along with Maddox had a few more over the weekend and they both are having a test done tomorrow to see what is causing the heart rate drops etc. We are thinking that this could be acid reflux, but wont know for sure. Emotionally I have been doing very well; but, today was a tough day. Not just because of having two babies in the NICU but I woke up to my left breast really engorged and lumpy. From 7am-11:30 am I took 3 showers, endless heat compresses and massaging. After I searched website after website I saw what I think was a small white blister and some breastfeeding sites said to pop it with a sterile needle and when I did that milk started to drip out. I did get about 3oz on that side, but since then it has been 1 or 2 oz every time i pump. I did learn that I was pumping 2-3 hours from the time I END the last pump and was told by the LC that I should be pumping 2-3 hours from the START of the LAST pump..ugh...this is exhausting! I know it is the right thing for my boys so I will do what I can to get them this milk, but I am going to be in for a rude awakening when they come home and I am attached to the pump and trying to care for both of them. Pray that I will figure it out PLEASE!!!!</div><div><br></div><div>We went to the NICU today and they are just so beautiful!! Every time I looked at them today I would start crying. I know they are in the right place and they are getting the care they need, but I just hate leaving them every night. I know they don't know that I am not there 24/7, but my heart just hurts so bad. I just want to kiss them and cuddle them all day and night. They have such cute chunky cheeks and their facial expressions are adorable. I still can't believe they are mine. i feel like I just go and visit somebody else's babies every day. I hope that whatever is keeping them there is something that clears up on their own with time and they will come home perfectly healthy little munchkins :)</div><div><br></div><div>At this point, Maddox is just about 5pounds and Mason is 4 pounds 12 oz ;) such big boys!!</div><div><br></div><div>Thank you for keeping up with us!!</div><div><br></div><div>shannon</div>Sdreamer225http://www.blogger.com/profile/17321556351017440471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3338293526928853043.post-76886060898712921422014-01-17T05:41:00.001-08:002014-01-17T05:41:02.217-08:00Today is a big day!!Hi everyone, <div><br></div><div>Today is a big day! Mason is coming home. However, Maddox is still having some drops in heart rate so he will not be. Hopefully, he is not too far behind his brother. I am looking at the positive and thinking this will be a nice way to ease into mother hood. Taking one baby home and learning the ropes one at a time. Maddox is in great hands and he is where he needs to be until we find out why he is having episodes of bradycardia. </div><div><br></div><div>I definitely have everything i need, but I just don't feel ready, lol. Where is my mommy manual? Where are the instructions for each kid :)? Last night I was at the pump (where I am every 2 hours!!) and I was thinking in my head.."ok, they eat every 3 hours...I pump every 2 hours...it may take them an hour to have a diaper change, feeding and burping... when do I sleep!?" I am panicking! lol..How does this work!??? Then I need to work on breast feeding. How do i know they are getting anything? I know these are all normal worries. The boys are going to take a few weeks to even get the hang of breast feeding since they are only 36 weeks corrected age. Full term babies still need direction and help with breast feeding, so I know this will take time. Then I thought I may never leave the house, however, where would we go anyways besides the doctor? So, I am using winter as an excuse to become a hermit with the boys and learn what we need to learn. </div><div><br></div><div>If you have any tips on easing into motherhood, breast feeding twins or even one baby, getting on a schedule, items I def need that i may not have thought of please let me know!! I will take all the advice I can get :)</div><div><br></div><div>A very excited mommy, </div><div><br></div><div>shannon :)</div><div><br></div><div><br></div>Sdreamer225http://www.blogger.com/profile/17321556351017440471noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3338293526928853043.post-57779233077636088662014-01-14T19:25:00.001-08:002014-01-14T19:25:24.610-08:00Update Day 27 in the NICUHey everyone!<div><br></div><div>Sorry, I have been slacking with the blog updates, but things have just been go go go since they got here. The boys are doing well. Mason is 4 pounds 6 oz and Maddox is 4 pounds 9 oz. Mason is in preemie clothes and Maddox is stretchin the limits with his. He will be in newborns from now on :). They were supposed to be moved up to the more relaxed nicu, but after we left on sunday night he had a little episode and they decided he needed to stay and be monitored where he is. Since then he has been good and we have been asked to bring the car seats in tomorrow for their car seat test. This is where they place them in their car seats for an hour and a half to see if they have any issues. If they have no issues then that is pretty much their ticket home. If they don't pass then they just wait a day or so and try it until they pass. Their tubes are out of their noses and they are eating every meal through a bottle. We think the reason for Maddox's episodes are he doesn't like the fortifier they are adding to his bottle. Mike and I were there both Saturday and Sunday night and both he and Mason refused their bottles. The poor guys were making faces of disgust and gagging on the milk. I took one whif of the their bottles and I would have gagged myself. The fortifier (vitamins and extra calories) they add to the breast milk must seperate the milk and gives it a smell that is awful! So, the nurse made us new bottles without it and the boys gulped it down. Since then, they have held off on the fortifier and the boys are drinking the milk with no problem. We joke about how they like their breast milk plain with nothing in it...from the tap :)</div><div><br></div><div>They are getting so big! They have filled out and their cute little cheeks are getting chunky :) I have to say they are beautiful and Maddox is completely dark and Mason is blonde! I love that I can walk in the nicu and not have to ask for any help. I go in, take their temps, change their diaper, feed them and kangaroo (skin to skin) They are just so sweet <3</div><div><br></div><div>We are so excited to finally bring them home..hopefully within the week, but are absolutely terrified!!! Mason has turned blue on Mike twice and luckily we noticed it and new to act. Everyone keeps telling us they will not send us home with babies if they are not 100% sure they are ready..boy i hope so! I am going to miss the monitors telling us what is going on, but i just have to trust in God that we will be fine and they will be over those episodes!</div><div><br></div><div>I am sorry i have no photos to post...the area they are in is so dark and i am not allowed to take pics with a flash. I promise I will get some soon!!</div><div><br></div><div>We did get our mini van!! It is a Chrysler Town and Country and it will be perfect for us, the dogs, the boys and all of our baggage! </div><div><br></div><div>Also, lucky me, I had to have a basal cell carcinoma removed on my shoulder and just happy i was able to get that out before the boys came home. Now i just need to get organized and set up our routine. Bottle routine, sleeping routine etc...feel free to let me know of any good tips for getting bottles ready, sleeping etc!</div><div><br></div><div>Thanks!</div><div><br></div><div>Shannon and Mike!</div>Sdreamer225http://www.blogger.com/profile/17321556351017440471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3338293526928853043.post-72219251058381573332014-01-05T15:38:00.001-08:002014-01-05T15:38:03.500-08:00Twins Update: Day 18 in the NICUHi everyone!!<div><br></div><div>Boys are 18 days old and doing well. Mason and Maddox have both "graduated" to the intermediate section. Still breathing on their own, no iv's and both have started drinking from a bottle. Mason is 3 pounds 10 oz and Maddox is 3 pounds 14 oz. Mason has taken as much as 32cc's in a bottle and is being bottle fed every other feeding. Maddox is a little behind in the bottle department. He has taken up to 10cc's but, is only getting a bottle 1x every 12 hour shift. Today I bottle fed Mason and he took about 14cc's before he got frustrated and went on bottle strike..lol. I get so nervous bottle feeding and then having to burp them. They are still so tiny to me and they tend to gag a little bit with the bottle becuase it is still so new and they are only 34 weeks old gestationally. Mike fed Maddox and from what he says he wanted nothing to do with the bottle and if he did drank a little he spit it back up. i am not too concerned at this point, bc at 34 weeks they are still so little and some babies don't even take a bottle til a few weeks later. So, if anything we are still a little ahead of the game. </div><div><br></div><div>One thing that we can't get enough of is they are starting to smile and do little coo's. When we talk to them they look around for us and follow our voice and smile. It is the best feeling in the world. They are starting to fill out quite a bit and when they have their little hats on they actually look a lot alike. However, you take off their hats Maddox has an abundant amount of dark hair and poor Mason has prince williams hair line, but it is light brown with blonde!!! I am so excited for them and what is to come. The only thing I am starting to get nervous about is when they do get to go home we will be getting them circumsized. I know tons of babies get this done and they never remember it and it heals quickly, but I just feel bad putting them through something else painful :(. This is the time to do it since they are so little, but I just feel bad. If you have any been there done that's please let me know to ease my mind. Our OB said he will do it before they leave the hospital so at least it's a doctor I know and trust. </div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div>Sdreamer225http://www.blogger.com/profile/17321556351017440471noreply@blogger.com38tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3338293526928853043.post-43190080591386004522013-12-28T16:45:00.001-08:002013-12-28T16:45:45.806-08:00Twins Update: 10 days old :)Babies are 10 days old already!! Gestation wise they would have been 33w1d. They are doing so good. Both are off of IV's and receiving strictly breastmilk through a tube in either their nose or mouth. Still breathing room air. Mason yesterday had an episode where his heartrate dropped causing his oxygen to go down so they put his little tube back on and was just giving him pressure. These things happen in the NICU and luckily they have great monitors to alert the nurses when that happens. Since early this morning he is doing good without it again. They are just so cute. Mommy is doing good. I am exclusively pumping which is a huge job in itself. I pump every 2-3 hours and need to learn that it is not going to increase every pumping. I am up to 2-3 oz total every 2-3 hours at 15-20 min intervals. If you have any secrets to increasing milk supply please share!! I am doing really good, but that would be for one baby. I am just making it with two babies. We are running milk up there every day and night sometimes just so they have breast milk and not have to be given formula. Def feeling the pressure! lol. <div><br></div><div>Now that they are 33 weekers we have continued kangaroo care, but we are also letting them explore the breast to see what they are capable of doing. Mason new what to do! lets just put it that way! We gave him the breast and he latched on two or three times and then got lazy. We are not expecting them at this age to breast feed. They usually will not even begin doing that until 34 weeks and at that point you have to let them learn it. However, i will say, he knows what they are for, just not really ready to do it yet. Maddox opens his mouth and checks it out, but has not latched. We were shocked that either of them showed much interest. I hope they are breastfeeding champs because pumping is annoying...lol. I hate having to get all the parts, clean them, dry them, sterilize them. It will be so much easier when i can just attach them and that is that and hopefully, they will bring on more milk! </div><div><br></div><div>They are still so tiny!! The nurses are starting to just hand them to me and let me tell you IT IS TERRIFYING! They can't hold their heads up and I feel like I am goign to snap one in half when i have to hold them and bring them into my body. The doctor said she has sent premies home as early as 34, 35 weeks and I can't imagine these two little guys at home with me...ALONE!...WITH NO MONITORS...ALONE! LOL. I know we will be fine and the doctors will not send a baby home unless they are absolutely positive they are ready, but holy heck it is scary! </div><div><br></div><div>Other than that, my hormones are raging. I cry at commercials, I cry if Mike looks at me wrong, I cry when someone gives me a card, gift or asks about the babiese, I cried while pumping at the nicu bc i had no control over the tv and the SPCA commercial was playing and i had to LISTEN TO THE WHOLE COMMERCIAL because I couldnt change the channel!! I cried last night in bed bc i was so afraid i was going to get sick and not know i was sick and would pass it on to the boys and they would get really sick!!! ugh....this is all normal! it is... i looked it up :) lol. </div><div><br></div><div>Anyways, that is the update!!! Talk to you soon!</div><div><br></div><div>Shannon</div>Sdreamer225http://www.blogger.com/profile/17321556351017440471noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3338293526928853043.post-31999727955673413252013-12-23T06:57:00.001-08:002018-05-03T12:31:12.812-07:00Quick update!!Both boys are now breathing room air and they have increased their feedings :) Also, both boys are sucking on paci's :) just wanted to give a quick update!! They are doing so well <3 now we just need to fatten them up a bit!!<br />
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Sdreamer225http://www.blogger.com/profile/17321556351017440471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3338293526928853043.post-45751730915875862102013-12-22T09:17:00.001-08:002018-05-03T12:31:02.777-07:00December 22, 2012 and today...At 3:30am on December 22, 2012 I woke up in horrible back pain followed by the fear I was losing my twin boys. Less than six hours later my first two boys were born and within minutes they were gone. I never in my dreams thought I would survive that day. This year has been nothing but trying to get the family we lost back. After a five months of treatments we were blessed again not only with twins but our twin boys again. We never intended on replacing Chase and Cayden, but the thought that we were given a second chance to do everything we had to do to bring them into this world alive and healthy was our mission.<br />
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After finding our new team of doctors and fighting weeks and weeks to get into the hospital we needed we were on our way. A lot of bumps along the way this past 8 months with modified rest, to strict hospital rest for 4 weeks and being told we want to get to 32 weeks in order to get passed the preemie hump and we did it!! They need help, but they are doing soo good!!! </div>
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Last night Mike and I decided to deliver some milk to the NICU at 11pm and why not spend midnight with our boys telling them about their brothers who not only changed our lives, but gave us them :)</div>
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Last night was another amazing night! Not only did I get to hold Maddox when he was breathing in room air, but the nurse told me to let him explore breast feeding. Preemies don't start breast feeding until around 34 weeks, bc they don't develop the sucking motion, but they are encouraged to explore and taste what they can at this point. So, we tried it out and my little guy did his best and was interested, just unsure what to do with the breast...lol. It was the most amazing feeling to know I can be their for him and his brother in a way no one else can and to give them the best possible nutrients! In good time, he will learn what those bumps are for, but for now he just wanted them as pillows...lol!</div>
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Mason, had time with Daddy yesterday and had the chance to do skin to skin without the machine and Mike let me know he was also ready to "explore," however, daddy let him know he will be having no luck in that dept and to wait for me! Lol </div>
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Can't wait to see what is in store for us today. </div>
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shannon and mike!</div>
Sdreamer225http://www.blogger.com/profile/17321556351017440471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3338293526928853043.post-39016955246038942612013-12-20T19:41:00.001-08:002018-05-03T12:30:51.520-07:00NICU Day 2 full daySo, today the boys both had ultrasounds done on their brains to see if they had any brain bleeds and we are happy to announce both tests came back NEGATIVE!! These tests are done routinely so there will be more to come throughout their stay. It is very common after birth for babies to lose weight so their new weights are Maddox 3pounds 5 oz and Mason 3 pounds 3 oz. Very normal even though it sounds like a lot. Maddox is on CPAP and Mason is a little behind him. The next step above CPAP is breathing in regular air, so that is a big deal!!! Very exciting. Both boys are just so darn cute and tonight daddy got some skin to skin time with Maddox and Mommy got some time with Mason <3. Mike had the opportunity to take Maddox's temp and change his diaper which was a fail...lol. Daddy needs a little more practice. He said Maddox was lookin at him like, "seriously, dad, you can't change a diaper!?" Wish i was there to see that! Mike was telling Maddox all about the things they are going to do when they get older...skiiing, riding bikes etc. So sweet <3<br />
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Those are the updates so far for today. Stay tuned!!!</div>
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Sdreamer225http://www.blogger.com/profile/17321556351017440471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3338293526928853043.post-63571060359739567252013-12-19T13:44:00.001-08:002018-05-03T12:30:37.155-07:00Our little Christmas miracles have arrived!!!I don' t even know where to start!! As you all know this has been such a long road and I still don't believe they are here.<br />
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We knew since my cervix was dwindling it was only a matter of time and we were really really trying to exceed 32 weeks, but I guess 31 weeks 5 days will have to do. The middle of the night Wednesday morning the nurse kept coming in to check on me and I was barely able to sleep with my contractions. This was not new to me since I was contracting every day since 26 weeks. I did notice it hurt a little more than usual, but didn't really think too much of it. So, around 8am or so Wednesday morning I noticed a leak and then a gush and was scrambling to find my nurse call button. Honestly, I can't imagine breaking my water any where else. It was sooo much water!! and that was just one baby. What if I was in the car? bed? recliner? How do you clean that?? lol. </div>
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The nurses came in and I was shaking. I was in shock. Even though I was anticipating something happening soon, I was not expecting that much! The doctor wanted to wait a few hours because there are plenty of cases of women who break their water, but either don't contract or they are able to go days, weeks with a broken water. Mike and I were laughing to ourselves because we knew a cervix of less then 1 cm and non stop contractions it was only going to escalate from here. So, we waited a couple of hours and things got more intense so he checked me and I was indeed 2cm dilated and within the hour was in the OR. Epidural was not bad at all, but the csection itself was so weird. You feel everything just no pain. Very odd!! After all said and done the babies were out and screaming and i cried. The sound of their little cries were what I was dying to hear. They showed life...they showed me we got another chance. Nothing more beautiful!</div>
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When in recovery I was offered a new treatment for pain that is relatively new. It was a pain blocker they inject into your stomach on each side. I didn't ask any questions and was thinking, "well, hell, I get lovenox, heparin in the stomach must be like that." Nope!!, it's a 13 inch needle they go in with a sonogram guiding the needle. It wasn't very painful, just uncomfortable, but let me tell you I didn't feel a pain at all until like 20 hours later. If I can remember correclty it is called the Teplock Shots? I am prob very off, but in my fuzzy state thats what i THINK it's called...lol. </div>
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Seeing the babies were the most beautiful thing and scariest. I didn't know if I wanted to just burst into tears or scream in happiness that I had two beautiful boys in this world being taken care of. Ok, I am not going to lie, I cried. We saw Maddox first and i put my finger in to touch him and when i started to talk to him he started to wimper and cry and the fact that I couldn't pick him up to console him tore me up!! I felt so helpless :( We visited Mason after that and he was nice and calm with little wimpers here and there. All I can say is I am happy they will not remember this time in their lives. </div>
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The other most amazing and beautiful moment was seeing Mike with his boys <3. This man blows me away! He has been down there more than me bc i was having some issues with dizziness earlier and had to make sure I was stable and not going to black out so he was down their like three times already.</div>
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when he takes me down he goes over all the machines and what everything means and completely updates me all the medical jargon. With the lack of sleep I have and emotions of seeing them I couldnt tell you what machine they are hooked up to or what does what, but he is very good at breakign it down so I can understand everything at this point...lol. He has that purell in his hand and is a nazi when it comes to making sure I purell even after i touch my shirt, face, chair etc...lol. He is so funny! He is such a good daddy already and seeing him talk and touch the boys melts my heart so much!! <3</div>
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I have been lucky to start pumping already even though my milk has not come in. However, i am able to get a few drops here and there and they encourage bringing those little drops down just so they can give them that little bit. Hopefully, my milk comes in soon and we can get that liquid gold :)</div>
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Ok, I am done bragging about my beautiful new family and will get off now :) I guess this blog will just keep continuing. We blogged through infertility, pregnancy, loss, pregnancy and now will continue their stay at the nicu and then maybe I will turn this into "raising twin boys" as they get older. </div>
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Thank you again for all of your support <3</div>
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Sdreamer225http://www.blogger.com/profile/17321556351017440471noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3338293526928853043.post-76503638477151553172013-12-17T11:08:00.001-08:002018-05-03T12:29:30.027-07:00Update...31w4dThis morning we met with our HR doctor and like we thought, the cervix is around a 1cm. Not really sure what is going to happen, but just waiting at this point. We go back on Friday. At this point, the cervix is just dwindling down and I am curious to see what Friday is going to look like if we keep going down .5cm every 3-4 days. Contractions all weekend were the most I have had and between 2-4 min for most of the weekend. I wish I could say they weren't painful, but they def were not pleasant. Sleeping is AWFUL! I try to start out on my left side and then extreme hip pain forces me to roll over onto my back which is very painful. I am up most of the night and having to get out of this bed by myself is a balancing act on its own. <br />
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I am trying so hard to be patient, but it is getting really rough. I am a strong person, but between the pain of contractions every day, pressure on my cervix, lack of sleep, losing my private room permenantly and these horrible rude roomates I am at my wits end. I would do anything to be able to ride the rest of this pregnancy out at home. Doctor said if I hold out I can go home at 34 weeks. Which is 2 weeks in a room with who knows who. I know you all are probably rolling your eyes and thinking you can do this, but the lack of sleep and constant pain and annoyance of people really puts you over the edge. </div>
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In just four days of being with a roomate I have had to deal with projectile vomiting from her this morning and her constant sniffles and sneezing. ( I swear if I get sick bc of this girl I am going to be so pissed off!!) Last night she was on the phone til 1:30 am and her guests didn't leave until an hour after visiting hours (which is better than the other night when they left at 11:30pm) Guests who curse non stop and have no respect for others when talking. These guests were talking about how fat and ugly the nurses are and the "F" word is just flying around. What ever happened to manners? Oh and the fact that I had Chaplin Gardner here. I was so imbarrassed. I don't understand how people can just just be so rude. </div>
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Oh and the update on the private room. Well, i was told that the room was needed for someone with an infection and of course I would be happy to give that room to someone who was sick. However, the person who was supposed to go in there had surgery and it corrected itself and she was sent home....so Mike and I are sitting in this room looking at my empty room for 2 days realizing no one is in there. So, our doctor comes in and tells us he did what he could, but the director is keeping one private room available in the case someone needs isolation. Ok, I get that but the nurses even told us that it doesn't happen very often. So, we arent sure why we can't just be placed in their til someone comes in that needs it. I was in there 2 weeks before someone needed it. There is anotherprivate room but the girl who has been here for ten weeks is in there and god bless her she deserves it a whole lot more than me. </div>
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Our doctor agreed for patients who are long term and to make them very comfortable the private room should be used for them when there isn't an isolation patient. So, I will be in my double room with a rotation of possibly sickly people and some very rude for the next 2 weeks. </div>
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Like I said, I prob sound so miserable and ungrateful for the care I am receiving, but i promise you the nurses are fantastic. I have not come across one rude nurse thank goodness. Just rude guests...</div>
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Sorry, this is not the most uplifting blog post, but I am doing my best trying to keep sane. </div>
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On a good note, here is a pic of Maddox from today. Mason was not cooperating :)</div>
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Sdreamer225http://www.blogger.com/profile/17321556351017440471noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3338293526928853043.post-54575858839378550452013-12-13T10:59:00.001-08:002018-05-03T12:29:04.831-07:0031 Week update with the High Risk doctorGood morning,<br />
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This morning we saw our High Risk doctor and it seems my cervix is dwindling down :(. Monday it was a 20 and today it is a 15. Def not what we wanted, but I knew it was going to happen because I have been having contractions all week. That being said, I go back on Monday morning and if my cervix is down to a 1 we will have to get the rescue steroid shot. Once the cervix is gone you have nothing left and your water will break. Even though we are pretty sure it is not going to help much at this point, I will be put in the position where my feet are above my head :(. If it buys me a couple days or weeks we will do what we got to do :). </div>
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On another note, i keep thinking that these boys could possibly be born on or around the same day we lost Chase and Cayden last year. The boys were born on December 22, 2012. I keep thinking...we were blessed with twins and twin boys at that and we are looking at delivering possibly near the same day those beautiful boys were brought into this world and left too soon. </div>
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Oh on another note!!!! the roomate i have right now and only for a few more hours if that, her guests are ghetto as hell and rude rude rude!! The "F" word flying out of their mouths like crazy...and talking about the nurses and how fat and ugly they are. I don't think this girl is over 20 years old and It is making me sick listening to their uneducated disrespectful dirty mouths!!!!!</div>
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Anyways,</div>
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thanks for reading!!!</div>
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Shannon</div>
Sdreamer225http://www.blogger.com/profile/17321556351017440471noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3338293526928853043.post-77787670528033398352013-12-11T04:54:00.001-08:002018-05-03T12:28:35.981-07:00Truckin along...Good morning,<br />
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Since the last post we have had some changes in treatment. We saw our High Risk doctor on Monday morning after a weekend of very little contractions. We were given a lower dose of the Indomethacin on Friday and told to take it until 6am Monday morning. Our appointment revealed that the amniotic fluid for baby A (Mason) was fine. Still on the lower side, but not bad. However, the Indomethacin was not compatible with Mason's heart. With Indomethacin it puts off your uterine contractions,but if used too much or too long it could be harmful to the babies heart. Typically, the Arterial Ductus in the heart is a vessel that is supposed to close once the baby is born and if the medicine is not monitored correctly it could close while in utero causing loss of blood circulation to the heart. This medicine should be taken before 31-32 weeks of pregnancy and no longer than a couple of days at a time. Mason is fine, but they could see that if taken any longer you are getting to the point where something could happen, so they took me off completely and will not be put back on. </div>
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My cervix also went down again and i have slight funneling in the cervix...very slight. This is where things just get very unpredictable. If the procardia medication works correctly, this will relax my contractions a little bit and can hold me off. However, contractions are contractions and will do what they are supposed to do. This is where bed rest and lots of IV fluids come in to major play. The High Risk doctor even discussed being put in a position where my legs are above my head to keep the pressure off of my cervix. We tried this last night for about an hour until I started having painful contractions and couldn't take being all the way back in that position. Luckily, the Procardia kicked in and took most of the pain and contractions away. I was told to keep an eye out for leakage of fluid, gushing of fluid and that was pretty much it. It is still a hope and pray at this point to just go as long as i can go. </div>
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On another note, the damn IV situation still sucks. I am needing a new Iv pretty much every two days and it makes it very hard to find areas in my hands and arms that are not still sore or bruised up. Since we are having such problems they have resorted to bringing in Anestesiologists to do the IV's (which they are not too thrilled to do!) For some reason the Anestesiologists think they are too good to have to be coming over to Antepartum to do a nurses job. Well, I made it quite clear that i wanted the best and if they are the best than they should be happy to do it when neccessary. Sigh! Iam the one getting poked and prodded so they should stop bitching...lol. </div>
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Friday will be 31 weeks!!! If we can just get another week in it will just be a huge milestone!!!!! I have been strict with laying on my back because Maddox is lodged in my ribs. I now know what it feels like to have bruised ribs. As of Monday the babies are weighing an estimated 3lbs 4 oz and 3lbs 5 oz :) They are getting so big!! </div>
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Sorry for such a long and in depth post, but I just wanted to keep everyone updated! </div>
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Thanks for reading!!</div>
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Shannon</div>
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Sdreamer225http://www.blogger.com/profile/17321556351017440471noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3338293526928853043.post-88948598617298168232013-12-05T08:34:00.001-08:002018-05-03T12:28:18.175-07:00I will never complain again...As I am hitting the two week mark in the hospital I am getting very ancy. I stare at walls all day while being hooked up to IV's, given 2 shots a day of blood thinners and I have seemed to have blown every vein in my arms. I am better off than some women here in the Antepartum Dept. There is a girl across the hall who I have not seen, but have been told has been here since this summer and is also pregnant around the same time as me with twins. She cannot get up to go to the bathroom, cannot bathe herself, has to lay constantly in a position where her legs are higher than her head. I almost cried when I was told of her situation.<br />
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Things could always be worse. I am sitting here crying because I have been here for two weeks and hate needles. At least I can get up and shower when I want and use the bathroom and I can get up and stretch my legs. I feel terrible for this poor girl, but it seems she has made the decision that she is going to do what she has to do to get her babies here safely even if that means laying practically upside down, going to the bathroom in a bed pan where people have to clean you up and give you sponge baths in bed. </div>
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I have so much to be grateful for right now. I will deal with my two shots a day and painful IV's everyday. I will deal with an uncomfortable bed and cords and wires attached. I will deal with not being home with my husband and dogs. I will deal with the 8 channels I have on my little tv. There is so many things in life that can be worse. I just keep reminding myself that in around six weeks I will have two beautiful lives that I will be able to take care of outside of a bed, without needles and cords and who cares about a comfortable bed because I will be getting very little sleep to even enjoy it. </div>
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I thank God every day that he has blessed us with not only the chance for another set of twins, but twin boys. I never would have dreamed I would have been given a second chance to do it all over again and successfully. I thank God for a husband that loves me more than life itself and never fails to show that to me or anyone else. I thank God for his job that has given him the necessary time off to take care of things at home and running back and forth with me. I thank God for the wonderful spouses of Fort Wadsworth that are planning a meal train starting next week to help Mike out so he doesn't have to worry about cooking for himself. I thank God for the people in my life that are keeping us afloat with thoughts and prayers. You all truly have no idea how much it means to us. We have felt every single prayer and that is what is keeping us from falling. </div>
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Everyone has a breaking point. I am very close, but until you open your eyes and realize things could always be worse, I will make it through. I see that beautiful light at the end of the tunnel :)</div>
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Thanks again for checking in, </div>
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Shannon</div>
Sdreamer225http://www.blogger.com/profile/17321556351017440471noreply@blogger.com2