First doctor appt :)

Hey everyone,

So, Monday we repeated the blood work and my levels rose just as I expected. We went from a beta level of 222 on 14dpo to a 1328 on 18dpo. Everything looked good! The new high risk doctor's office called and told us to come on in today. However, I was not sure why we would be going in. I know you don't even see a gestational sac on the screen until after 5 weeks and a heartbeat around 6 weeks. We took a chance and there was one gestational sac. They were also checking to make sure everything else looked good and wanted to discuss more medication for my diagnosis. The nurse was actually surprised to see anything.I did ask if there was anymore sacs and she repeated that she was surprised to see even one so there is def a chance that by week 6 there could be another one floating around in there.

The doctor came in and went over our situation reminding us that since my mom and dad both passed down the MTHFR genetic abnormality (believe me, I made sure to call them and let them know I am very upset :)  I will be taking Metformin and Metenx along with the Lovenox injections. Since I carry the gene from both sides my body does not break down any folic acid so that is where the Metenx comes in to play. Metformin is a diabetes medicine sometimes used for lowering insulin and blood sugar levels in women with PCOS. This helps regulate menstrual cycles, start ovulation, and lowers the risk of miscarriage. HOPEFULLY, with all these drugs and high monitoring we will be fine.

Mike and I left the office feeling as if I need a personal assistant. Appointments every week between the OB and high risk doctor until we have a baby, 1 injection a day, 2 pills a day, 1 twice a day and my prenatal. This is going to be tough. Oh and the doctor asked if we are having any issues with the lovenox injection and we have noticed that with these injections it takes a bit more force to get the needle through my skin and I am bruising like crazy. He said the generic brand Lovenox needles are more dull than the brand name and this is a huge complaint. Well, thank you tricare for not approving the brand name and sticking me with dull needles for 35 weeks :).

I am not complaining. I am more than happy to do whatever it is I need to do to sustain this pregnancy :). I thought I would keep you all in the loop and our next appt with the fertility doctor is next friday and that will be the ultrasound to see some heartbeats. We are very excited. Thank you all for keeping up with us!!!

Taking a risk :)

I am taking a little bit of a risk here today, but I have made the choice when I started this blog to be true and honest with our treatments and tests. With that being said, we received a positive blood test yesterday afternoon.

Most people wouldn't even dare come public with this news so early (4 weeks) but, like I said before, I made this choice to go public with our journey and why stop now. I wish I could say we are jumping for joy and planning our future, but we know all too well that doing too much right now may not be the best thing. Our plan is to take it day by day and live in the moment.

I knew something was up this last week, because possessed by demons may not even come close to how my husband would describe me. I was snappy, exhausted, crying on a whim, heartburn like crazy and just plain crazy mean. The doctor called to let us know the good news and I right away asked for my Beta number. This number to me is very important because the higher the number on 14 dpo (days post ovulation) could give me an idea if we may be carrying multiples again. The nurse told us it was a 222 and my heart just dropped. This was slightly higher than the boys beta number last time. By slightly I mean a difference of 14. This does not mean I am having multiples. Depending on when implantation occured during the 2weeks after the IUI it could  be higher or lower. So for instance if implantation started earlier it would be higher if implantation was later it would be a lower. Does that make sense?? Ok, good :) For those who are curious: http://www.betabase.info/

Our next step is to go back on Monday and have more blood drawn to see if this Beta number is rising. Beta numbers should double every few days. If I go back on Monday and the number is the same, lower or slightly higher there may be an issue. You want this number to be significantly higher. Once the number has doubled we will then plan our first ultrasound which would be 2 weeks later. At that time we will hope to see a heartbeat :).  We have also decided to not get too excited until we see a heartbeat. Until than I am only slightly pregnant :).

I called my new high risk doctor and after receiving confirmation that we are indeed slightly :) pregnant I will go in today to learn how to do the Lovenox injections. This will be a shot in the stomach every day up until I believe 35 weeks. If you have read my blog prior the Lovenox injections are because I tested positive for Thrombophilia/MTHFR genetic mutation. I am definitely more relaxed to know that early intervention and strong monitoring is key in our situation. If all goes well we are looking at a Valentines Day baby :).

If we are lucky I will not have to write about our infertility journey and dealing with loss anymore, but the months ahead and how we are doing. Thank you all again for your dedication to us and your constant prayers. We greatly appreciate everything and will welcome continued thoughts and prayers!

Shannon and Mike
 

Do you have good etiquette? Do you have good infertility etiquette?

I just want to start out by saying I am completely guilty of not having infertility etiquette before we knew we had problems getting pregnant. I would not have thought twice about asking a couple married for a few years if they were planning on having children or asking a newlywed couple when they were going to start trying. Most people are not trying to be hurtful. Most people want to tell you something that they think will make you feel better and we, the infertility world, appreciate those that really do try to help us. However, there are the ones that just don't know any better and may not even know that women suffer from infertility and this is ok. Like I said, I am completely guilty! I feel my job since I have decided to be so open is to also give advice about infertility and educate those who are not aware of what infertility can bring.


This is where infertility etiquette becomes helpful. Here are some 10 do's and don'ts of infertility etiquette :)


10. Don’t Tell Them to Relax-  Ok, this is probably the one we hear the most. It sounds right and makes sense, however, for someone who is struggling with years of infertility we are pretty sure it is not because we are not relaxed.

9. Don’t Minimize the Problem- People have made the comment to me, "well, at least you get to get to do things like travel and take vacations." Really? That does not make me feel better, because going to disney world was fun and all, but I am pretty sure I would rather do those things with my children. Or, "well, just think you get time to yourself whenever you want." Really? this does not make us feel better. 

8. Don’t Say There Are Worse Things That Could Happen- Sure, I could be killed, I could be kidnapped and tortured, but, to me, at this very moment in life, this is the worse thing that could happen. I can't make a baby with my husband without drugs.  I can't do what I was put on this earth to do. That to me is the worse thing.

7. Don’t Say They Aren’t Meant to Be Parents- If you say this you should just be punched in the throat...lol.

6. Don’t Ask Why They Aren’t Trying IVF- IVF is not for everyone. Not everyone has to go right to IVF depending on their diagnosis. It is a very expensive procedure and unless you are willing to help pay for this 15,000-20,000 dollar procedure don't expect it to be on everyone's checklist.

5. Don’t Complain About Your Pregnancy- I understand pregnancy is hard, uncomfortable and can be miserable at times. Just be mindful of who you say this to. Remember, there are people out there that are dying to throw up all day and pee on themselves when they laugh :).

4. Don’t Gossip About Their Infertility- This should be a no brainer!

3. Don’t Push Adoption (Yet)- Adoption is a great thing, but, again, VERY expensive. More expensive than IVF. A lot goes into adoption too. Home studies, evaluations, and a lot of uncertainties. It is very hard for some people to come to terms with never having a child of their own and usually someone's last resort after many years of trying.

2. Let Them Know That You Care- All we want you to say is "I am hear to listen." Ask us questions. We are not expecting anyone to have any words. There aren't any words. If you are religious, pray for us. If you are not, tell us you are thinking of us. You don't need to say anything more. It is very hard for some of us to come out and even talk to our people about it. Infertility is something that we are ashamed of. We can't do what every woman in the world can do. We can't do what a lot of mother's take advantage of. That 3 am wake up call that you dread, we envy. That explosive diaper that you are gagging through changing, we dream of. Watching your husband hold his baby for the first time and never knowing you could love something so much, we would die for.

1. Remember Them on Mother’s Day- Just reach out to someone and say you are thinking of them. That is all.

For those of you who know me know I am not trying to make anyone feel guilty. This is simply for awareness purposes. Just remember next time you talk to someone keep in mind they may be going through something that you may not be aware of. If you don't know what to say ask questions. We want to educate you and we want you to understand what happens in the infertility world.

Thank you for reading :)

Shannon W.

Starting my injections

And here we go...again. I would love to say I am excited to be starting the injections, but sadly I am not. We have done injections three times so far and I have conceived two out of the three times. I know this definitely may work which is great, but I also know how well they work. I am praying to God every day, a few times a day, that we are lucky enough to get just ONE baby this time. As much as I would love twins again I am beyond terrified.
So, as you all can see we did not conceive last month with no drugs. I am really sad because I ovulated on my own which is a really huge deal. Last week (Thur) we drove up to my parents house and low and behold "aunt flo" showed up early. Damn bitch never comes on time let alone early, and of course she came when I was 2 hours away from my fertility doctor. So, I call my BFF Katie at our doctors office and she let me know I needed to have blood work done the next day and an ultrasound on Monday. By the time I called my doctor I had 15 min to find a blood center in PA (before they close and the blood center closed), get my blood work done the following day and then sent right away to the doctors so they can rule out pregnancy (for those who don't know 30% of women bleed through the first trimester so it's protocol to have to rule it out even if you think you had your period).

Monday came around and the ultrasound and blood work showed that I was indeed not pregnant and I was told that we are in the clear to start injections. As you can see in the pic below these are about a month or two of my Bravelle injections. I will do a ratio of 3 powders to 1 saline solution starting lastnight (Monday) for 4 days and go in on Friday to see how my body is reacting and if we need to increase or decrease the dosage. The injections usually last about 10 days. Throughout the next week and a half I will go in for monitoring and blood work to make sure my body is reacting to the drugs and producing multiple follicles. Our hopes are the multiple follicles will produce a few eggs and out of that few 1 will take. Sounds so complicated, right?? If you can remember from one of my other posts I have a 75% chance of one egg taking and 25% chance of twins on injections.

I took my first shot last night around 8:30pm and woke up this morning already feeling extremely bloated and irritable. Mike came home and I complained about how bloated I was and the honest man that he is told me he can tell...Oooh Michael Allen you are so lucky I love you and your honesty. He should know better not to mess with an irritable wife who has to deal with sticking herself with drugs for half the month. So, for the next 10 days I will be wearing only sweatpants and not asking my husband if i look bloated.

For those of you who are following along I thank you for sticking with me and I will be sure to update with each visit to the doctor!

Another milestone...

After the boys I expected to have good days and bad days. I still feel that August - January was just a blur, a dream.  When I look at my pregnancy pictures I almost have to remind myself that was real and that was me and we were expecting twin boys. We would have been 40 weeks at the end of this week. My boys would have been here. I would be holding them right now. I hate how some days I am fantastic, positive and excited for the future and other days I want to stay in bed and remember the days where I was happy, pregnant and planning my boys future.

Saturday was a gorgeous day! Probably the nicest day we have had yet this year. I was excited to turn the music up and sit on my porch and just soak in the sun. However, with a beautiful day comes all the families that want to get out with their kids, strollers, walks to the park. I sat on my porch for a few hours watching everyone walk to an event on base for military children. All I could think about was how we should be loading our kids up in their stroller and walking up to the event. I wish I could turn my mind off. I know everyone says this is normal and part of the grieving process and it is still very fresh, but I just want to move on. I don't want to forget my boys, but I just hate hurting. The pain is just so unreal. I have been through emotional pain. Pain of losing a relationship, pain of losing a grandparent, pain of losing a pet, but this pain of losing your children is just unfathomable. It almost makes you question if you ever want to have kids again, because their is always a chance that something bad could happen to them.

We took this month off from treatments and I am praying so hard that with a miracle we somehow get pregnant this month. I mean a girl can dream, right? I still laugh at the thought that people can get pregnant on purpose with one month of trying and no fertility treatments. Please Please Please let that be this month. No more needles, ultrasounds to track follicles and the thought of having a surprise pregnancy test! Oh to dream big, lol.

Ok, so I must get on with life now. Get myself in the shower and pretty for my last week of class. I can't believe my shoot is on Friday and then we get our certificates! I finally accomplished one of my dreams and hoping there are more to come. One thing that has been good in my life recently is meeting all these great people in my class. I do believe God puts certain people in your life. They have definitely made these last 4 weeks very manageable :).


Shannon :)  

And the results are in...

As the saying goes..."better luck next time." It's ok though, I am not horribly upset. Thank goodness I have a busy month ahead of me to keep me from dwelling on it. I knew that this cycle may not have worked. Any treatment less than injections never worked in the past so it was just wishful thinking anyways. The only thing I hate is the estrogen and progesterone mimic pregnancy symptoms and you believe you are pregnant because how can you have so many symptoms and not be. So anyone who may be going through fertility treatments in the future be warned!  When you are on extra hormones they will give you every symptom in the book.

On a better note, I am LOVING my class!! I am learning a lot and it's amazing how much I am not a fan of brooklyn, but love Manhattan :). The people in my class are great and I am really enjoying not dwelling on my "issues" everyday, lol.  I think after this class is over I am going to apply at MAC somewhere in lower Manhattan (Oh the possibilities).

Anyways, not much more to report. Thanks for reading!

Shannon :)

Busy week!

Ok, so we are 8 days post IUI (8dpoIUI)and surprisingly this week went really fast! Less than a week to go until the actual blood test. Am I having any symptoms?? Well, I looked in my old pregnancy organizer from last time and the same symptom I do have was burping, lol. Just so you know I am not a burper! The only time I burp is when I drink soda which is not a lot.  Also, the progesterone the doctor prescribes plays with your mind when it comes to symptoms so I am not getting my hopes up since I know how hard it is to think your pregnant and get the negative, so I am just taking it with a grain of salt. Def better to remain positive though, right? I went yesterday morning for the blood work that is required one week post IUI and my estrogen and progesterone were a little on the low side so the doctor prescribed me supplements to boost my levels. One thing I did forget was how the progesterone when taken orally gives you that "I had a few too many glasses of wine before bed" feeling. Just happy I didn't operate any heavy machinery after taking it :). So, I will be on those pills twice a day until they tell me to stop.

I don't know if it's the sun shining, the birds chirping or the extra hormones but I am doing ok!  I should be really sad though.The boys would have been full term this week :(.  I should be hiding in bed not wanting to face the world but I am ok. One thing I do all the time, and I am curious if anyone else does it, is I always wonder where I would be right now if they were still in utero. When I am walking the dogs I think to myself, "would I be outside right now walking the dogs if I was still pregnant?" "Would I be on bed rest right now?" "would I have been bopping around still shopping or would I have been complaining and begging for them to come out?" lol.  I am also getting passed the bitter phase. I have been able to hear about pregnancies without that sad "why does everyone else to get pregnant but me?" thought pops up in my head. This is a huge step. Maybe it's because I know we started treatment and it's only a matter of time before I will get pregnant again and will be able to look towards the future.

As I was driving home today I heard Kelly Clarkson's "stronger" play on the radio and it has been my anthem for the last 3.5 months. Have you ever heard a tragic story and thought to yourself, "OMG if that ever happened to me I would just die." Or, " I can't even imagine what that person is going through. How are they going to go on?" I am sure you think it all the time. Well, I want you to know that you do go on. You overcome everything. You can choose to let it defeat you and you are allowed to be sad, but you do go on. After the boys, I seriously thought I was going to die. My heart hurt so bad, but the days passed and you find strength.  We have been seeing our CG Chaplin almost weekly since January and the last time we saw him he said something I will truly have to thank him for. He told me how inspiring I was for not giving up and jumping right in and not letting this defeat me; However, he also told me that I need to find something else to focus on that's for me. At first I was mad he said that. How can I focus on something else? I am willing, for as long as it takes to sacrifice my body to treatments until we have that healthy baby. So far I have spent three years as a science experiment. Always taking medication, Always getting blood drawn, my ovaries have been the size of ping pong balls. I have put off my career and traveling because it interferes with treatments. Never able to lose weight because the meds just continue to bloat you up and make it almost impossible to workout without the fear your ovaries might burst from being jumbled around your insides. I am willing to endure it. Wouldn't you do anything for your kids and family? If this is what it takes than I am going to do it. But, I also remembered I am a human and have dreams and desires too. We got home from that appointment and Mike told me to find a school in Manhattan for makeup certification and go. Find one that is only a few months or weeks and go! So, as of Monday of next week I will be a full time student for 4 weeks at Chic Studios NYC. I will finally be a certified Makeup Artist! For those of you that know me really well this has been a passion since middle school. One that I have always been scared to do, but I am focusing on me this time.

So, feel free to leave a comment and let me know what was your major symptom for pregnancy and if you have had multiple pregnancies did it continue to be your main symptom each time!? Looking forward to hearing from you.

Thanks again for reading,

Shannon!