It's official....I am going crazy...

If you know me well you know that I am a worrier by nature. Everything gets me nervous and I will dwell on something until I go insane.

I am not sure what is worse right now, the pregnancy symptoms that I am having or the sheer paranoia that something is wrong. I have been told countless times that the constant sickness I am feeling is a positive thing and is proof things are progressing well. BUT, the other part of me is every "twinge," "gas bubble", "dull ache" sensation in my stomach has me running to the bathroom 20 times a day not to pee but to see if something bad is happening. This is exhausting. I am up right now at 2:00am because of little gas bubbles in my belly and extreme hunger pains. I am not hungry! My appetite has been non existent and forcing myself to eat has become the norm. I am so happy to be pregnant, but I can't shake this constant concern that something is going to happen. At this point, this pregnancy is going to be the longest 6 months and 2 weeks of my life!!

Our insurance issue has been a nightmare and after weeks of fighting to try and get the doctors that we want  I have since decided to go back to my old OB who delivered my boys and who did all that he could, but now I am back at the hospital I hate.  I talked with my OB and had to make sure that he is ok working with my high risk doctor and they (or he rather) will be on the same page when it comes to certain things that may have to happen in this pregnancy.  I need to keep positive that what happened is going to be prevented and that we are 100% sure we know what happened last time. But, I still have that fear that 20 weeks is going to come along and I am going to be going through the same thing. I am at the doctors about every other week and I just want confirmation everyday that their little hearts are still flickering along on that screen.

I need to start doing some meditation or some breathing exercises to calm my mind. I lay in bed with scenarios in my head and have to remember to pray to god and breathe. Everything is out of my control. I need to be a safe haven for these babies and keep my head in a good place. I just wish it was easier said than done. 

8w4d Appt Today

Hey there,

We are currently 8weeks 4 days along and everything is progressing normally. Since last time I blogged I have been prescribed a few new meds and found out that I am anemic and vitamin D deficient. My daily regimen of meds is Lovenox, Metformin 2x, Metenx, Iron supplements 2x, Vitamin D and Prenatals. I have to say I am not a pill person so this has been tough trying to remember to take numerous pills at different times throughout the day. The shots have definitely gotten better. The burning is not as bad and the bruising is almost non existent...thank goodness. The nurse today did mention the possibility of a cerclage in the future as a precautionary and that scares the crap out of me. It is not set in stone as of yet, but  if I am going to have one, this is the doctor to do it. So, praying we don't need one. I can deal with one less thing to have to worry about.

 This pregnancy so far has been so different from my last. Maybe I am having girls, lol. I have a very low appetite and I am not able to keep much down. I would describe it as a constant hangover everyday.  Hopefully, the second trimester will be better :)

At our appt today they saw I have a small blood clot which was the reason for a little bit of spotting last week, but nothing to worry about. I am RH- http://www.justmommies.com/articles/rh_negative.shtml so I will have to go back tomorrow to get the shot that will prevent my blood and the babies blood from mixing. On a good note, they were squirming all around in there. They are directly side by side and the heartbeats were around 171bpm :)

We finally found an OB that will take our insurance and delivers at Methodist hospital. We have been trying to find an ob that does both for almost 4 weeks now. We have been told numerous times to contact our local congressman because it is a total outrage how many doctors in this area do not take the military insurance. We just found out that our fertility doctor will no longer be taking our military insurance as well and we were his last patients with Tricare :( 

Thanks for checking in :)

Shannon

I think God is really trying to tell us something...

Today was our first ultrasound and nervous didn't even describe how I felt. I woke up in the middle of the night in a hot sweat and my blood pressure was 140/60. The doctor was running late and I swear every min felt like another hour going by. The doctor came in and he showed us one little heartbeat :). Moved the ultrasound wand over a smidge and there was another strong little heart beat. I want to lie and say how happy I am, but with my history and the boys I cried like a knocked up teenager seeing a positive on a pee stick...lol. I want to be pregnant and I am so happy, but I can't help but fear what happened last time.

The doctor reminded us to not share with the world because there is a 1/3 chance that one twin will vanish and there will only be one baby next time. I laughed when he said not to share with the world, because I am pretty sure there is not one person in this world that doesn't know our story. What the hell, I have come this far I need to keep you all in the loop and I need all those extra prayers from you all.

I called my mom in tears and her excitement was just what I needed. She gave me a huge, "That is so exciting!!!" followed by "STOP CRYING!" lol. It's amazing how at 28 years old my mom can still grind her teeth in a threatening way and I swallow my tears like I did when I was 5 years old.

I am excited. I want my twins more than anything. We prepared for them last time and it would only feel right to bring twins home. All I ask is when you say your daily prayers you think of us and that we make it til Christmas. 32 weeks is the magic number.

Thank you again for reading :P

Mike and Shannon

First doctor appt :)

Hey everyone,

So, Monday we repeated the blood work and my levels rose just as I expected. We went from a beta level of 222 on 14dpo to a 1328 on 18dpo. Everything looked good! The new high risk doctor's office called and told us to come on in today. However, I was not sure why we would be going in. I know you don't even see a gestational sac on the screen until after 5 weeks and a heartbeat around 6 weeks. We took a chance and there was one gestational sac. They were also checking to make sure everything else looked good and wanted to discuss more medication for my diagnosis. The nurse was actually surprised to see anything.I did ask if there was anymore sacs and she repeated that she was surprised to see even one so there is def a chance that by week 6 there could be another one floating around in there.

The doctor came in and went over our situation reminding us that since my mom and dad both passed down the MTHFR genetic abnormality (believe me, I made sure to call them and let them know I am very upset :)  I will be taking Metformin and Metenx along with the Lovenox injections. Since I carry the gene from both sides my body does not break down any folic acid so that is where the Metenx comes in to play. Metformin is a diabetes medicine sometimes used for lowering insulin and blood sugar levels in women with PCOS. This helps regulate menstrual cycles, start ovulation, and lowers the risk of miscarriage. HOPEFULLY, with all these drugs and high monitoring we will be fine.

Mike and I left the office feeling as if I need a personal assistant. Appointments every week between the OB and high risk doctor until we have a baby, 1 injection a day, 2 pills a day, 1 twice a day and my prenatal. This is going to be tough. Oh and the doctor asked if we are having any issues with the lovenox injection and we have noticed that with these injections it takes a bit more force to get the needle through my skin and I am bruising like crazy. He said the generic brand Lovenox needles are more dull than the brand name and this is a huge complaint. Well, thank you tricare for not approving the brand name and sticking me with dull needles for 35 weeks :).

I am not complaining. I am more than happy to do whatever it is I need to do to sustain this pregnancy :). I thought I would keep you all in the loop and our next appt with the fertility doctor is next friday and that will be the ultrasound to see some heartbeats. We are very excited. Thank you all for keeping up with us!!!

Taking a risk :)

I am taking a little bit of a risk here today, but I have made the choice when I started this blog to be true and honest with our treatments and tests. With that being said, we received a positive blood test yesterday afternoon.

Most people wouldn't even dare come public with this news so early (4 weeks) but, like I said before, I made this choice to go public with our journey and why stop now. I wish I could say we are jumping for joy and planning our future, but we know all too well that doing too much right now may not be the best thing. Our plan is to take it day by day and live in the moment.

I knew something was up this last week, because possessed by demons may not even come close to how my husband would describe me. I was snappy, exhausted, crying on a whim, heartburn like crazy and just plain crazy mean. The doctor called to let us know the good news and I right away asked for my Beta number. This number to me is very important because the higher the number on 14 dpo (days post ovulation) could give me an idea if we may be carrying multiples again. The nurse told us it was a 222 and my heart just dropped. This was slightly higher than the boys beta number last time. By slightly I mean a difference of 14. This does not mean I am having multiples. Depending on when implantation occured during the 2weeks after the IUI it could  be higher or lower. So for instance if implantation started earlier it would be higher if implantation was later it would be a lower. Does that make sense?? Ok, good :) For those who are curious: http://www.betabase.info/

Our next step is to go back on Monday and have more blood drawn to see if this Beta number is rising. Beta numbers should double every few days. If I go back on Monday and the number is the same, lower or slightly higher there may be an issue. You want this number to be significantly higher. Once the number has doubled we will then plan our first ultrasound which would be 2 weeks later. At that time we will hope to see a heartbeat :).  We have also decided to not get too excited until we see a heartbeat. Until than I am only slightly pregnant :).

I called my new high risk doctor and after receiving confirmation that we are indeed slightly :) pregnant I will go in today to learn how to do the Lovenox injections. This will be a shot in the stomach every day up until I believe 35 weeks. If you have read my blog prior the Lovenox injections are because I tested positive for Thrombophilia/MTHFR genetic mutation. I am definitely more relaxed to know that early intervention and strong monitoring is key in our situation. If all goes well we are looking at a Valentines Day baby :).

If we are lucky I will not have to write about our infertility journey and dealing with loss anymore, but the months ahead and how we are doing. Thank you all again for your dedication to us and your constant prayers. We greatly appreciate everything and will welcome continued thoughts and prayers!

Shannon and Mike
 

Do you have good etiquette? Do you have good infertility etiquette?

I just want to start out by saying I am completely guilty of not having infertility etiquette before we knew we had problems getting pregnant. I would not have thought twice about asking a couple married for a few years if they were planning on having children or asking a newlywed couple when they were going to start trying. Most people are not trying to be hurtful. Most people want to tell you something that they think will make you feel better and we, the infertility world, appreciate those that really do try to help us. However, there are the ones that just don't know any better and may not even know that women suffer from infertility and this is ok. Like I said, I am completely guilty! I feel my job since I have decided to be so open is to also give advice about infertility and educate those who are not aware of what infertility can bring.


This is where infertility etiquette becomes helpful. Here are some 10 do's and don'ts of infertility etiquette :)


10. Don’t Tell Them to Relax-  Ok, this is probably the one we hear the most. It sounds right and makes sense, however, for someone who is struggling with years of infertility we are pretty sure it is not because we are not relaxed.

9. Don’t Minimize the Problem- People have made the comment to me, "well, at least you get to get to do things like travel and take vacations." Really? That does not make me feel better, because going to disney world was fun and all, but I am pretty sure I would rather do those things with my children. Or, "well, just think you get time to yourself whenever you want." Really? this does not make us feel better. 

8. Don’t Say There Are Worse Things That Could Happen- Sure, I could be killed, I could be kidnapped and tortured, but, to me, at this very moment in life, this is the worse thing that could happen. I can't make a baby with my husband without drugs.  I can't do what I was put on this earth to do. That to me is the worse thing.

7. Don’t Say They Aren’t Meant to Be Parents- If you say this you should just be punched in the throat...lol.

6. Don’t Ask Why They Aren’t Trying IVF- IVF is not for everyone. Not everyone has to go right to IVF depending on their diagnosis. It is a very expensive procedure and unless you are willing to help pay for this 15,000-20,000 dollar procedure don't expect it to be on everyone's checklist.

5. Don’t Complain About Your Pregnancy- I understand pregnancy is hard, uncomfortable and can be miserable at times. Just be mindful of who you say this to. Remember, there are people out there that are dying to throw up all day and pee on themselves when they laugh :).

4. Don’t Gossip About Their Infertility- This should be a no brainer!

3. Don’t Push Adoption (Yet)- Adoption is a great thing, but, again, VERY expensive. More expensive than IVF. A lot goes into adoption too. Home studies, evaluations, and a lot of uncertainties. It is very hard for some people to come to terms with never having a child of their own and usually someone's last resort after many years of trying.

2. Let Them Know That You Care- All we want you to say is "I am hear to listen." Ask us questions. We are not expecting anyone to have any words. There aren't any words. If you are religious, pray for us. If you are not, tell us you are thinking of us. You don't need to say anything more. It is very hard for some of us to come out and even talk to our people about it. Infertility is something that we are ashamed of. We can't do what every woman in the world can do. We can't do what a lot of mother's take advantage of. That 3 am wake up call that you dread, we envy. That explosive diaper that you are gagging through changing, we dream of. Watching your husband hold his baby for the first time and never knowing you could love something so much, we would die for.

1. Remember Them on Mother’s Day- Just reach out to someone and say you are thinking of them. That is all.

For those of you who know me know I am not trying to make anyone feel guilty. This is simply for awareness purposes. Just remember next time you talk to someone keep in mind they may be going through something that you may not be aware of. If you don't know what to say ask questions. We want to educate you and we want you to understand what happens in the infertility world.

Thank you for reading :)

Shannon W.

Starting my injections

And here we go...again. I would love to say I am excited to be starting the injections, but sadly I am not. We have done injections three times so far and I have conceived two out of the three times. I know this definitely may work which is great, but I also know how well they work. I am praying to God every day, a few times a day, that we are lucky enough to get just ONE baby this time. As much as I would love twins again I am beyond terrified.
So, as you all can see we did not conceive last month with no drugs. I am really sad because I ovulated on my own which is a really huge deal. Last week (Thur) we drove up to my parents house and low and behold "aunt flo" showed up early. Damn bitch never comes on time let alone early, and of course she came when I was 2 hours away from my fertility doctor. So, I call my BFF Katie at our doctors office and she let me know I needed to have blood work done the next day and an ultrasound on Monday. By the time I called my doctor I had 15 min to find a blood center in PA (before they close and the blood center closed), get my blood work done the following day and then sent right away to the doctors so they can rule out pregnancy (for those who don't know 30% of women bleed through the first trimester so it's protocol to have to rule it out even if you think you had your period).

Monday came around and the ultrasound and blood work showed that I was indeed not pregnant and I was told that we are in the clear to start injections. As you can see in the pic below these are about a month or two of my Bravelle injections. I will do a ratio of 3 powders to 1 saline solution starting lastnight (Monday) for 4 days and go in on Friday to see how my body is reacting and if we need to increase or decrease the dosage. The injections usually last about 10 days. Throughout the next week and a half I will go in for monitoring and blood work to make sure my body is reacting to the drugs and producing multiple follicles. Our hopes are the multiple follicles will produce a few eggs and out of that few 1 will take. Sounds so complicated, right?? If you can remember from one of my other posts I have a 75% chance of one egg taking and 25% chance of twins on injections.

I took my first shot last night around 8:30pm and woke up this morning already feeling extremely bloated and irritable. Mike came home and I complained about how bloated I was and the honest man that he is told me he can tell...Oooh Michael Allen you are so lucky I love you and your honesty. He should know better not to mess with an irritable wife who has to deal with sticking herself with drugs for half the month. So, for the next 10 days I will be wearing only sweatpants and not asking my husband if i look bloated.

For those of you who are following along I thank you for sticking with me and I will be sure to update with each visit to the doctor!